TeleChimp | TV Journalism

HBO is mounting a new comedy series set at a country club, with actor Kevin Bacon producing and considering a starring role.

This HBO untitled series will be based on a 1995 novel “The Member-Guest,” by Clint McCown about a burned-out golf pro dealing with a small-town country club’s members while eying a pro golf comeback.

The series is being written by “Hot Tub Time Machine” director Steve Pink, who also wrote the John Cusack films “Grosse Point Blank” and “High Fidelity.”

Bacon has never play a lead role in a television series before, but he previously starred in the HBO original movie “Taking Chance,” an Iraq war drama. Kevin Bacon makes a guest appearance on an upcoming episode of the cable network’s comedy series “Bored to Death”.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Hollywood — GLAAD’s annual surveys of the portrayal of LGBT on television observe that near about four percent of characters are gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

HBO’s “True Blood” leads the pack with six regular gay characters.

ABC has the most LGBT characters across the broadcast networks, with 7.2 percent of all characters fitting this category. CBS was once again dead last, with just one series with a LGBT character (“Kalinda Sharma” on “The Good Wife.”)

ABC was also the only broadcast network to have gay lead characters, with the character of “Kevin Walker” on “Brothers & Sisters,” “Callie Torres” on “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Max” on “Happy Endings,” and “Mitchell” and “Cameron” on “Modern Family.”

There are 35 LGBT characters in shows on the mainstream cable networks (HBO, Showtime, etc.).

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance against Defamation said in a press release that there is still a lot of room for improvement.

“It is troubling that the broadcast networks will not feature even one transgender character or one black LGBT character in the upcoming primetime lineup,” said GLAAD President Jarrett Barrios. ”Because what people see in the media has a huge impact on how they understand others and perceive themselves, the media has a responsibility to tell stories that include the diversity of our community.”

Popularity: 8% [?]

The security has been beefed up for the arrival of the former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin’s appearance at the ‘Dancing with the Stars’. The mother of the contestant Bristol will attend the show to cheer her daughter’s debut as a dancer. However, in spite of Bristol previously stating that she will be dressing conservatively for the show, TMZ has other report.

According to the site the 19year old Bristol will be ripping off some ‘tear-away clothes’ for her performance on the season premiere with her dancing partner Mark Ballas. Bristol and Ballas will perform to Cha Cha to a raunchy number ‘Mama Told Me (Nit to Come)’

Well, earlier when Bristol was dating Levi Johnston, who took off his clothes for the ‘Playgirl’ magazine. Sarah has been very critical and lambasted the guy in public platform. Now her daughter might not take off all her clothes but is likely not to be dressing conservatively for the dance show. What would now Sarah do? Would she star howling at her daughter from the audience or wait to get her steam off on her daughter at the back-stage?

On the other hand Audrina Patridge, the former ‘Hills’ star will be dancing to the song ‘California Gurls!’ one might find the choice of song a bit shocking, but wait the lady is from California and she wants to say so.

Popularity: 4% [?]

On this episode of Big Brother 12 it was every man for himself as the three members of the Brigade alliance each competed to win this season’s last Head of Household competition and thereby guarantee a spot in the final two. Plus: We get a trip to Enzo’s New Jersey home and Ragan’s entry into the jury house brings on Round 3 of the continuing Rachel-Ragan bout. So, which players are one step closer to becoming the final and most powerful HOH? Let’s find out.

First, a grievance: I don’t like stringing Part 3 of the HOH competition out until the live season finale for two reasons. One: The jury questioning on finale night always feels more rushed and awkward than it does when that part is taped and edited. Two (and this one is more important): It makes episodes like tonight’s feel ultimately useless. Everything before the last 10 minutes was filler, and while some of it was drama-filled, I’d rather just get to it already. Moving on …

The show picks up with Enzo, Lane and Hayden hanging from their respective ropes in the backyard. Each of the guys complain about their legs and their “boys downstairs” being numb and/or squished during the competition, but one thing is clear: Not one of these guys trusts the other two enough to give up and hope they get taken to the finals. After about 20 minutes of competing, the most predictable thing in the world happens: Enzo falls off his rope, completing his trifecta of performing terribly in all of this season’s endurance competitions. (Hayden says Enzo lacks “intestinal fortitude.”)

While Enzo goes inside to warm up and cook himself dinner, Hayden complains about the freezing water pouring down on him and Lane. Hayden also compares slamming into the walls to a “car wreck without the car” while Lane likens the competition to a Texas bar fight: “You get thrown from wall to wall, you get alcohol or water poured on your head, and when you wake up in the morning, your testicles hurt.”

After about two hours on the rope, Lane begins to feel the burn, but he forces himself to use his football training to block out the pain. “It’s a mental thing,” Lane says. “We’re men; we don’t have ponies or dolls. Block it out and stay on the rope.” Hayden is also weakening, but noticing Lane’s discomfort, he decides to hold on a little longer. The decision pays off, as Lane drops shortly thereafter. So, Hayden wins his third competition in a row and earns an express ticket to the final phase of the HOH competition on finale night.

Big Brother takes a trip to visit Enzo’s family in Bayonne, N.J., and, of course, the first shot is of meatballs in marinara sauce. Enzo’s wife talks about how Enzo is a great dad, working two full-time jobs to provide for the family. She loves his sense of humor, as does his mom, who admits his humor made up for the fact that he wasn’t an A-plus student in school. While Enzo’s wife thinks Enzo’s social game gives him a good shot to win, his mama believes it’s his determination that will win. “Once he starts something, he has to finish,” she says. (Except for endurance competitions, it seems, right?)

In the jury house, Matt hopes anyone but Ragan is the next evictee, not only because Matt wants Ragan to win the money but also because Matt doesn’t want to tell Ragan about lying. (We all saw how well Matt’s confession about his wife not having a rare disease went over with cancer survivor Kathy last week.) Ragan is equally stunned by the news when Matt sits him down. “I feel like Charlie Brown when Lucy pulls the football away,” Ragan says.

But don’t worry, Ragan: Rachel is here! Fight and make it all better! When Ragan confesses his lie — that he has a doctorate in communications and is a college professor — Rachel asks how his degree helped him in the game. Ragan says, contrary to what Rachel and Brendon think, Big Brother isn’t about book smarts but how well you interact with people. Rachel takes it personally, as she’s shocked that Ragan is dissing her social game. This leads back to Ragan telling Rachel she was at the heart of every fight in the house, and Rachel says stupid things that make no sense about people not listening. She then makes one valid point: No one was arguing in the jury house until Ragan showed up, so maybe he is equally responsible for creating drama as Rachel is. In any case, Rachel makes a mature exit, insulting Ragan’s homosexuality (again): “Grab your tiara and be a f—— queen,” she says.

Back in the house, Lane and Enzo separately compete in Part 2 of the HOH competition. Each player has to correctly identify five photos that feature the morphed-together faces of two other houseguests. If both players identify all five photos, the player with the fastest time wins. Lane goes first and uses a good strategy. He finds both names he needs and takes them both, instead of making multiple trips back to the table for each photo. He also seems to recognize the faces faster than Enzo.

Enzo, meanwhile, takes names one at a time, mostly because I think he has trouble identifying both faces in time. He ultimately gets all five correct, but so does Lane. Since Lane finished 30 seconds faster than Enzo, Lane wins and moves on to face Hayden on finale night for the final round of the HOH. Enzo, meanwhile, can only hope that whoever wins the final HOH feels it is in their best interest to take Enzo to the final two. Considering Lane and Hayden’s bond, though, I don’t see it happening. Both of them are afraid of Enzo having friends on the jury. But I honestly think Lane might take Enzo over Hayden, because Hayden has been such a fierce competitor as of late and will most likely beat whoever he’s against in a final two situation.

Popularity: 1% [?]

The incomparable Mad Men returns to the UK for a fourth series, once again tucked away on BBC4 at ten o’clock at night. It’s an odd treatment for a show that deserves to be seen by as wide an audience as possible, and just as the similarly brilliant The Wire was shoved in a graveyard slot on BBC2, the Auntie Beeb seem intent on keeping Mad Men one of UK television’s best kept secrets.

The previous season of Matthew Weiner’s 60s set Madison Avenue drama concluded with the collapse of advertising lothario Don Draper’s marriage, and the formation of a new agency, the snappily named Sterling, Cooper, Draper and Pryce.

As sycophantic accountant Pete describes them, the new SCDP are “the scrappy upstarts”,and their workplace is now a funky, contemporary 60s office full of hip young talent, though notably smaller and less lavish than their old building.

But, while the office space is small, the agency’s ideas are big. A commercial for a cleaning solution called Glo-Coat has provided SCDP with its first big success, and the episode opens with a typically Brylcreemed Don Draper engaged in a terse interview with an Advertising Age journalist. When the hack asks, “Who is the real Don Draper,” Don himself seems utterly unable to answer the question.

When the finished article appears in the newspaper, the results please nobody. Draper is (quite accurately) described as a latter-day Dorian Gray, and what should have been a piece of free advertising for the agency is instead deemed a minor embarrassment. “This is a missed opportunity. Plus, you sound like a prick,” as Roger later puts it, with a typical absence of tact.

One of Don’s defining characteristics has long been his insatiable appetite for comely ladies. Artist Tracey Emin once made a cub tent with all her lovers’ names on it. Don Draper would need a marquee the size of the Millennium Dome for his.

And while Don’s divorce from Betty appears to have taken the wind out of his libidinous sails somewhat, a blind date set up by Roger soon sees the former sitting across the table from another potential love interest, who both tuck into chicken Kiev.

Meanwhile, a newly coiffured Peggy has cooked up a PR stunt to sell a brand of ham, which involves two middle-aged women publicly fighting in a supermarket. Peggy hires two candidates to stage the squabble, while Pete makes sure the incident appears in a newspaper. Predictably, the stunt goes awry, with Peggy forced to ask an unimpressed Don for bail money when one of the women presses charges for assault, though the ham sellers are unperturbed: “He’s sorry that people got hurt, but more people will taste our ham now.”

There are also signs in this first episode that Don’s advertising crown may also have slipped. His unsuccessful pitch to a swimsuit company ends with him petulantly throwing his clients out of the building, an ill-advised move for an agency with an already tiny client base.

Don’s relationship with his ex-wife is similarly scrappy. While Betty’s evidently swept up in her new love for Henry, Don coldly announces that he wants them out of his house, warning them that he’ll put up the rent if they don’t leave.

So, while Don retains his veneer of polish and Cary Grant-like aura of cool, the cracks that began to appear in the previous series are strongly in evidence here, and the newspaper interview at the start of this episode is a rare glimpse of his character looking uncomfortable and out of his element.

In an attempt to redeem himself, public relations concludes with Don making a more concerted effort to impress another journalist, this time from the Wall Street Journal. How this new, less terse approach will affect the company remains to be seen.

Compared to earlier episodes, this season opener wasn’t the best we’ve seen of Mad Men, but then, the drama’s been so radically shaken up by the events of the last series that there are entire new dynamics to establish. The shattered Draper household is vastly different, while Peggy’s now more stylish and assertive.

Will Don be able to recover that creative edge that his agency desperately needs to survive? Only time will tell.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Not sure about Terriers? The show’s star, Donal Logue, says viewers should give it a chance because it’s on FX.

“FX has a really good filter for stuff that sucks. They don’t allow it to happen,” says Logue (The Tao of Steve, Damages), surely bringing smiles to his new network bosses.

Watch clips from FX’s Terriers

The series, from executive producer Shawn Ryan (The Shield, Lie to Me) centers on ex-cop Hank (Logue) who teams up with a former petty thief Britt (Michael Raymond-James, True Blood) to launch an unlicensed private investigation company in which the two wind up involved in a dangerous conspiracy. According to Logue, however, it may not be the risky nature of the team’s business that will keep fans coming back for more, but rather the lead characters themselves.

“I have a weird feeling viewers will recognize something that will be vaguely reminiscent of friendships they had in high school or college,” he says. “I want them to feel like, ‘Man, I used to run around with two guys like this, and it was kind of a crazy time in my life.’ Britt’s the Sancho Panza backing whatever Don Quixote move I want to make — even if it looks like a windmill,” he says.

Logue hopes his unpolished character will resonate with viewers.

“I think we look like guys people recognize. I don’t clean up well. I don’t like too. And I don’t apologize for it because I think there’s a lot of people like me,” he says. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be that conventionally chiseled-jaw Hollywood dude. In this show we got to be really free.”

Logue says the cast and crew of Terriers go out of their way to make sure it stays grounded in reality.

“I think we fought really hard to have the small and the big — the macro and the micro — all make sense and not suspend disbelief to get a laugh in or something like that. It feels like a really organic world. I think it’s emotionally real and a fun, rollicking adventure hopefully with two guys you like.”

Popularity: 1% [?]

“Somebody very important to me died.” — Don Draper
“Who?” — Peggy
“The only person in the world who really knew me.” — Don Draper
“That’s not true.” — Peggy

While the rest of the world was watching (and losing money on) the second bout of Cassius Clay and Sonny Liston, a much more personal boxing match was going on inside the Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce offices. Don tries to avoid making a phone call destined to bring him earth-shattering bad news by making his protégé, Peggy, stay behind to help him with a troublesome Samsonite ad. The result is one of the series’ finest hours, allowing each character to jab the other with various grievances. But they ultimately come to realize what we already knew: These characters love each other — enough to stand by and pick the other up when life delivers a knockout punch.

It’s no secret that Don and Peggy have always been kindred spirits, but it’s been a while since Mad Men put them in the same room together as much as it did in this episode. And I wouldn’t be surprised to see more of it. While Don mourns the loss of Anna Draper, he should take comfort in the fact that Peggy does know him. She may not know the Dick Whitman that Anna loved, but Peggy knows more about polished ad man Don Draper than anyone. And she got a crash course in Whitman 101 straight from Dick’s mouth over dinner. Perhaps now, Don’s life raft isn’t 3,000 miles across the country, but in the office next door.

“And you should be thanking me every day when you wake up, along with Jesus, for giving you another day.” — Don Draper

Not only does Don hate the way Cassius Clay (who still hadn’t been accepted as Muhammad Ali by everyone at this point) promotes himself as the greatest, he’s also apparently not a fan of rookie footballer Joe Namath. So, when Peggy & Co. pitch him as a celebrity endorser of Samsonite’s new suitcase, Don shoots it down. “I’m glad this is an environment where you feel free to fail,” Don tells Peggy when the others leave the room, giving her until the end of the day to come up with something new.

But when Don receives word from Miss Blankenship that Stephanie has called urgently from California, Don can’t bring himself to hear the bad news. Instead, he cancels his plans to watch the fight with Roger and stays behind to work. And, as always, he sucks Peggy in as well, even though she has plans to celebrate her 26th birthday with boyfriend Mark. “I gave you more responsibility and you didn’t do anything,” Don scolds when he sees the new ideas, all of which he hates.

Finally furious enough to speak up, Peggy throws Don’s drinking in his face, suggesting the only reason she is working on her birthday is because they are pursuing Danny’s “stupid idea” after Don drunkenly stole Danny’s “other stupid idea” and had to hire him. “Don’t get personal because you didn’t do your work,” Don warns, just as Peggy finally lets out her aggravation about her Glo-Coat idea going unnoticed. Don basically tells Peggy that he pays her to take her ideas (“You never even say thank you,” Peggy yells. “That’s what the money is for!” Don replies) and make them work, and that she should be thankful he allows her to stay in the bullpen pitching. And Peggy sobs in the bathroom.

“I know what I’m supposed to want, but it never feels right, or at least not as important as what we do in that office.” — Peggy Olsen

Of course, Peggy isn’t just sobbing because Don is an ass. The tears are also for the other asses in her life: her boyfriend and her drunken ex, Duck Phillips, who tries to woo her back into his life by offering her a job as creative director at his would-be upstart. Even though Peggy knows it’s a pipe dream because Duck is a drunk, at least he knows what Peggy wants, unlike Mark, who invites Peggy’s entire family and her roommate to their “romantic” birthday dinner. “You used my birthday to get in good with people who drive me crazy,” Peggy scolds, before Mark ultimately breaks up with her. It’s just as bad with Duck, who actually shows up at the office to win Peggy back by…defecating on Roger Sterling’s office furniture.

Like Don, whose romantic entanglements also seem to end badly, Peggy finds the satisfaction she’s looking for in her work. After listening to some of Roger’s notes for his new book — which include information about Roger hooking up with Miss Blankenship and the fact that Bert Cooper doesn’t have his testicles — Peggy and Don are able to laugh their way past the fight and celebrate Peggy’s birthday, not at a fancy Greek restaurant, but at a Greek diner. There, they discuss the thin line between a good idea and an awful one, and they both agree that while the process is like banging your head against the wall, the moment when the right idea wins out is magical.

But behind all the talk of work, these two deepen their personal connection. Like Don, Peggy saw her father die in front of her when she was young. This leads Don to discuss his father’s unfortunate death by horse, his Uncle Mac, and the idea that he is a “yokel” who can tall rats from mice because of his days on the farm. Sure, Peggy doesn’t get a full peek behind the curtain, but how often has Don opened up this way to anyone else?

Peggy follows suit, offering up that everyone thinks Peggy got her job by sleeping with Don. She even notes that her mother believes Don was the father of her child, since he showed up to visit her at the hospital. Don admits that if Peggy wasn’t a co-worker, he might give her a second look, and Peggy admits missing the baby she gave away when she is at playgrounds. Digging back into the pasts that both characters “moved forward” from and forgot about isn’t something they’re supposed to do. But there’s no risk between these two, because they both know what it is to carry a secret, and their conversation displays a shorthand only they can understand.

“How long are you going to go on like this?” — Peggy Olsen

Of course, the argument could be made that Don is so forthcoming about his past because he is drunk, the state in which he feels most comfortable this season. Don’s seemingly endless vomiting in the bathroom when he and Peggy return to the office was almost as painful to listen to as it was for Peggy to watch. Especially after Duck turns up, and Peggy sees the drunken dead end that at the end of the road Don is currently walking. When Duck sees Peggy is working late with Don, he assumes she is back to “screwing” Don. Don defends Peggy’s honor, swinging (and missing) when Duck calls her a whore. But even when we Peggy walks away from the fight with Duck, we know she will come back to check on Don. And even though we know it, it’s still incredibly touching when she does.

So, Peggy stays the night while Don sleeps in her lap. And she’s there the next morning when he makes the call he’s dreaded — there to see him turn into his own sobbing mess when Anna’s death is confirmed. And she’s there when Don freshens himself up and uses the famous image of Clay standing over Liston to craft the perfect ad for Samsonite. I can’t help but hope that Peggy will be the one to pull Don our of his drunken downward spiral. Though this show has proven again and again that people don’t change easily, I find it incredibly optimistic that when Peggy leaves his office, Don chooses to leave his door open, something we haven’t seen much of this season.

Peggy may not be Duck’s creative director, or a Clio winner, but I think she knows that she is still the girl who Don begged to come work for him in the Season 3 finale. And now, she is something to him that is more important than any of those other things. She may never fill Anna’s void, but Don has somebody who knows him, somebody to be his home base. And he knows it, as he takes her hand in much the same way she did in the pilot. Back then, they were strangers and Peggy was being inappropriate. But now, they are soul mates, and like Anna and Dick, they know everything about one another and still love each other.

A few other thoughts:

• How great was pregnant Trudy? Just a few lines, and she both inadvertently slapped Peggy in the face (“Don’t worry, 26 is still very young,”) and made me cackle (“I want to eat a rare steak and watch two men pound each other”).

• Also, what about that look Pete gave Peggy and Trudy when they came out of the bathroom together. Christ on a cracker, that can’t happen!

• It’s hilarious that we learn so much about Bert Cooper and he didn’t even appear on screen. Also, note that Sterling, who is now being edged out by the younger generation, says Cooper hated him when they first met because of his youth. And his “romantic prowess” with the “queen of perversions, Ida Blankenship.”

• Also, Roger finally answers the Dr. Lyle Evans mystery from a few episodes back. He was the doctor who performed Cooper’s orchiectomy, so Roger’s joke about being overtaken by the Japanese clients was one only Cooper could get.

• Another classic line from Roger, who is drunk despite being out to dinner with teetotaler Freddy Rumsen and another sober buddy: “And they’re self-so-righteous!”

• Miss Blankenship was reigned in this week, but still got to deliver this terribly inappropriate line: “If I wanted to see two negroes fight, I’d throw a dollar bill out my window.”

• And finally, Peggy, gets one playful jab in at Don after his insistence about not mixing his love life with work, even though Peggy is an attractive girl. “Not as attractive as some of your other secretaries, I guess?”

Popularity: 1% [?]

Goodness, sometimes, brings some sorrow with it. Since its rocking start 9 years ago, the greatest reality show in America is facing some jeopardizing problems. For the producers of “American Idol”, this is going to be a rough year, ahead.

It was not long, since last year’s surprise entry talk show queen, comedian Ellen r DeGeneres decided to quit the show. She described her last season’s appearance as an exciting “experiment gone bad”. But this year, there was a worse news waiting for the fans of “American Idol” all over the globe with longtime judge Simon Cowell quitting from the judging panel. And the producers think that they need some shocker of a name to fill his gap, media reports claim. With Cowell’s departure, the news has spread that another judge Kara DioGuardi may also choose not to reprise her role as the reality show’s judge. If this news is believed to be true, then it will only leave Randy Jackson as the show’s confirmed judge until now.

As of late, the producers are considering some jaw dropping names as Justin Timberlake and Elton John to fill up the potholes in the judging panel. Now we have to wait and watch whether the producers will go ahead with an all star cast judge’s panel with Jennifer Lopez and Aerosmith front man Steven Tyler joining the show, shortly?

Popularity: 3% [?]

The competition got super-serious, even if the houseguests also got a little silly. With their lives on the line, nominees Enzo and Ragan battled it out in this season’s most physical veto competition. But because the house gets pretty dull as the numbers dwindle — especially when everyone gets along — Big Brother subjected the houseguests to their final two Pandora’s Box punishments, which just made everything a little bit goofy. So what were the punishments? Who won the veto? And how were the nominations affected? Let’s find out.

After Lane’s nominations are revealed, Enzo is a little ticked that he is sitting next to Ragan instead of Britney. He begins to question Lane’s loyalty to him, which Ragan also notices. Ragan sees Enzo as the “bottom rung of the ladder” of the Brigade alliance, and since Ragan rightfully feels completely alone in the house, he even plots to sway Enzo into an alliance, should they both somehow survive this week’s eviction.

So Ragan again goes into hardcore study mode and even pumps a little iron. (As always, I am annoyed by the blatant “Eye of the Tiger” knockoff music the show plays during segments like these. It was even punctuated in this episode by Ragan comparing himself to Rocky Balboa. Seriously, either pay for the real song or do something else.) In any case, it’s a good thing Ragan worked out, as he would need some extra strength in the veto competition.

For the competition, Big Brother revived Otev, this time in the form of a Broadway-singing clam. He would sing a song about two evicted houseguests. The players then had to find CDs hidden in the backyard that corresponded to the names. They were, however, mashed up, such as “Mathy” (Matt and Kathy)  or “Rasten” (Rachel and Kristen). Once the CD is retrieved, the houseguests must return to Otev, but each round, the person without a seat — aka the last one back to the podium — is eliminated, unless someone else’s CD is wrong.

And that’s just what happens in the first round. Although Ragan returned to the podium last, he was spared because Lane brought back the incorrect CD. (“Everything is big in Texas, except for Lane’s brain,” Hayden quipped in the diary room.) Hayden and Britney, who calls the competition a “suckfest,” are the next to be bumped off, which leaves the two nominees to battle it out. When the final clue is given, both Enzo and Ragan know exactly where the correct CD is, and the result is a physical mad dash to victory.

Ragan and Enzo basically slide off the podium on top of each other (“Ow!” Ragan cries), and because Ragan has the edge on Enzo, The Meow Meow dives over Ragan to grab the CD. Thanks to Britney’s diary room demands, we get to see the clip in slow-mo a few dozen times. Enzo returns to the Otev first, and wins the power of veto. Ragan throws his CD at the clam, which also hits Enzo in the head. (We also see this in slow-mo a few times). Then Ragan spends the rest of the day sulking while Enzo gloats about finally winning something in the Big Brother house.

Comedy break! After watching Enzo have an official “shunning” ceremony for his penguin costume (which was actually much funnier than the edited-down version CBS showed), Big Brother has fun with the houseguests. After Lane opened Pandora’s Box, the houseguests lost all their cups and utensils for a week. Their second punishment requires every player to wear a sock puppet for 12 hours, and every time they speak, they must do so with the puppet. Kudos to Britney, who filmed some of her diary room sessions using only the puppet.

The final punishment required the houseguests to shake their groove thangs. For 12 hours, when music played randomly through the house, the houseguests had to drop everything they were doing and dance. Enzo and Britney seemed to embrace the punishment the most, the former even doing some Jersey fist-pumping in the shower. Lane and Hayden looked like absolute idiots, but wasn’t that really the point anyway? Also thrown in for laughs: Enzo’s ridiculous lack of understanding about the game of golf. My favorite lines included him calling the clubs “sticks” and wondering why you had to have nine different clubs to play. “Why not just have two sticks, so if one breaks you can use the other?” he says.

So Lane is left to decide who to put up on the chopping block in Enzo’s place. Hayden doesn’t want to be a pawn at all, but Lane feels pressure to honor his side alliance with Britney. Hayden and Enzo actually consider the opportunity to backdoor Britney if Lane puts her up, to have the united front of the Brigade against Ragan.

Unfortunately for the Brigade, Britney works her magic on Lane, telling him that Hayden would beat Lane in the final two. She makes a well-made argument, but doesn’t Lane see that Britney would almost certainly beat him in the Final 2 as well? I suppose Lane is thinking the Brigade will vote for him, but not if he crosses them all on the way to the finale.

In the end, Lane does nominate Hayden in Enzo’s place, which pretty much seals Ragan’s fate. However, Lane confirms in the diary room that he is definitely taking Britney to the finals if given the choice, so the Brigade members better watch their backs next week.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Throughout the course of this season, Danielle Staub has exhibited symptoms of an alarming number of psychological issues. She seems debilitating-ly paranoid and uncomfortably ashamed of herself at points, as when she weaves a strange web of half-truths in what often seems like a sad sort of fame-mongering. However, just because Danielle is paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t really out to get her! It was Dina Manzo, after all, who brought Danielle to a trashy pan-Asian restaurant only to say she’s crazy. And was it not Theresa Giudice who accosted Danielle at a charity event and accused her of being a bitch? (“Is bitch better, bitch?” we quote.) It was Caroline Manzo, even, who lured Danielle to an eerie back-room for an alleged meal only to call her a clown! Meanwhile, Danielle is outnumbered in size and sanity (Caroline’s and Dina’s, at least). So who are the villains here, really?

Is it a vaguely depressed single mother lusting after fame, making herself a victim through a chilling self-fulfilling prophecy? Or her cleavage-heavy co-stars, pointing their fingers at her for largely not articulated reasons that seem to have more to do with Staub’s alleged promiscuity and nuttiness, with which these woman [sic?] clearly resent having to share the screen. Why are they unable to ignore this very clearly unhinged 47-year-old when she makes a few kooky comments in a reality TV confessional booth? Well, last night, in the warm, classy enclave of the Atlantic City Borgata, everyone took shots at Danielle, even though it’s actually been a whole year since most of the women interacted with her. (They really couldn’t let anything go?) Some non-Danielle stuff happened at the reunion too, we think, but we were kind of zoning out for those parts. So here are the official testimonies in the, uh, unprecedented case of Danielle Staub Versus The World:

Teresa:

In a show-stopping floral number, the Skinny Italian made the best case for Danielle Staub’s being an actual witch. Not because we could understand a word Theresa was saying when the synapses in her brain seemed literally to fizzle at the sight of Danielle. No, she made the best case against Danielle because she managed to stay surprisingly calm, maybe even sympathetic, when Andy Cohen listed off the amount of debt the Giuduces were in, purchase by purchase, in an almost poetic way. Teresa said she “loved [her] husband” even more because he hid their rising debts from her, politely disagreeing when Andy Cohen made the repeated, if thinly-veiled, accusation that Teresa’s house was soon to be foreclosed upon and that she was a grifter-in-denial. However! When Danielle merely cast her vacant, brown eyes upon Theresa and asked if she’d visited her nephew recently, the woman went apoplectic. To get to Danielle, Teresa pushed Andy Cohen out of the way like a woman lifting up a Jeep to rescue her kids out from under it.

The official minutes from the testimony read something like, “You straddled somebody in front of your kids. You’re a pig. Look at yourself. You’re disgusting. And desperate. I hate her. Bitch, I don’t talk about you. I’m just doing it right now because we’re on a frickin’ TV show, you skanky whore. She’s – piece – garbage – she – dare – how – she – motherfucking – slut – garbaelaskdglasjgsagsagsagasgasg,” until the exorcism Theresa was undergoing ended and she woke up dazed and confused in Andy Cohen’s arms. Teresa’s seizure-like rage was so sudden and scary that we actually wondered if Danielle was, in fact, a witch who had been chanting some silent spell under her breath, like MaryAnn from True Blood. Other than that … no. There’s not much to say about Theresa other than that.

Caroline:

Caroline almost “gets it,” but Danielle manages to unnerve her too, in the end. The radiant, twenty-five pounds-lighter matriarch rocked a one-shoulder blue dress and told her co-stars not to make a big scene, but they did not listen. Caroline said some pretty awesome stuff, like, “I never insulted [Danielle] for being a stripper. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a stripper, or a prostitute. You wanna strip, strip.” (We would roll the tapes from last season where Caroline definitely did at least imply that there was something wrong with Staub’s stripping, but we’re willing to set that aside and believe she’s since become less judgmental, and good for her!) And after Theresa went bonkers, Caroline said, “She wanted it, you gave it to her. You’re not this person. If you were this person, you wouldn’t be my friend.” Caroline was right, also, to point out that Danielle always evades her actual questions.

But ultimately even Caroline can’t just laugh along with us. She insisted on patronizing Danielle by drawing-out and enunciating her sentences while pointing her finger: “Do. Not. Talk. About. My. Sister.” A throwback to last week’s, “You. Will. Not. Hurt. Me.” Enough with that! She’s not a child getting spanked. And then Manzo ultimately went the whole, “I’ve got a real nuclear family, you don’t” route once again, if more subtly now: “Throw mud,” she said. “But I have a man that’s loved me for 26 years.” Subtext: You’re alone in this world … skank.

Jacqueline Laurita:

Jacquie, rocking a Vegas showgirl-like red frock, really came out swinging last night, muttering about Danielle’s use of “armed guards” when it wasn’t even relevant to the question, within the first minute of this reunion. (And doesn’t her relationship with Danielle almost eerily mimic her relationship with Ashley? First giving them too much of a leash, and then left with all this displaced anger?) She accused Danielle of having sex with someone in front of her own kids. Then this was mitigated to straddling someone in front of her kids. Then she said “someone sent [her]” Danielle’s sex tape. Ha! Please! And she “only watched the preview,” but she knew all about the angles and narrative of the tape? We thinks she may have gotten out some of her, uh, frustrations about Danielle, while watching it. Metaphorically speaking?

So then, ridiculously, she got angry at Danielle for not having called her after she gave birth, even though she has made this enormous point about how much she hates Danielle. (And it was actually intentionally awesome when Danielle was like, Jesus, lady, “Congrats!” You happy now? Woo-hoo. The huge Manzo-Laurita clan, growing ever-bigger.) Then Jacquie struck a low blow about Danielle’s kids: “Do you know they cry at school everyday? They’re in the nurse’s office all the time crying,” apparently because Danielle is so embarrassing. This is actually semi-plausible and sad, but couldn’t it have waited until after the show? So Laurita’s case was weak. All over the place, mean-spirited, and silly. Next!

Andy Cohen:

Subtly, perhaps, the adorable host sneaked in some of the harshest digs in the sketchy form of “user questions” from Bravo.com, or something. “You do flaunt your sexuality in the media a lot,” he said to Danielle, like that was just a fact. And: “Are you swimming in the lady pond?” he demanded to know, of Danielle’s seemingly lesbian, seemingly fake relationship. Then there was the faux-concern he conveyed when talking about Danielle’s sex tapes and her unconvincing denial that she had a hand in their release, saying, “Your legal fees must be astronomical!” Or the question, “How do you explain your sex tapes to your kids?” which was actually just very dark. Of course, Cohen managed to diffuse the scary Theresa-Danielle spat by remaining calm and charming, and he’s the only one besides the viewers who seems to find some of this funny. (It seemed like he actually was about to laugh after Theresa pushed him.) So he was still a positive presence, and he indicted everyone, not just Danielle.

Danielle:

Like most totally paranoid people, Danielle is ultimately her own worst enemy. The only time she seemed to be telling the whole truth or directly answering a question was when she said she wasn’t sleeping with Danny, which is actually incredibly disappointing, because they would be an adorable couple and ripe for a spin-off. Instead of coherently explaining herself and boldly telling these woman to stop judging her, Danielle retreated to her bizarre backstage mafia and chanted, “Amazing things. Amazing things. New beginning. Amazing things,” apropos of nothing. Still, she managed to sit through this and survive. Danielle, contra mundum! We’d be part of her mafia any day.

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