TeleChimp | TV Journalism

It’s not hard to see what ABC is trying to do with its new show “Castle” (Mondays at 10 p.m. Eastern). From “Remington Steele” to “Moonlighting” to “The X Files” to “Bones,” the idea of a mismatched guy-gal team solving crimes has been a go-to concept for the networks. So the pairing of crime novelist Richard Castle (Nathan Fillion of “Firefly”) and tough-but-pretty detective Kate Beckett (Stana Katic in her first lead TV role) in “Castle,” a procedural with a huge helping of comic one-liners thrown in, must have looked awfully good on paper to ABC.

Unfortunately, on paper is probably where this series should have stayed.So much of “Castle” seems borrowed from other programs. In the debut, Castle is about to release a new crime novel that kills off his long-running hero, something everyone thinks is a big mistake, especially his ex-wife, who is also his publisher. Outwardly, Castle is confident he has done the right thing, but we find out he is in the midst of writer’s block, unable to deliver his next novel. Watching Castle struggle to write, booze it up, hit on women (including signing a fan’s breast, followed by the groaner of a line, “Call me when you’re ready to wash that off”), act self-destructively, care for his wise-beyond-her-years daughter (Alexis, played by Molly Quinn), and use his rakish charm to try and get what he wants, I couldn’t help but wonder if “Californication” executive producer Tom Kapinos had already contacted his attorney about a possible lawsuit. Castle, to me, seems like a less interesting rip-off of Hank Moody (David Duchovny’s character in “Californication”). At least Hank is supposed to be a serious novelist, as opposed to Castle writing crime fiction for the masses.

Even worse, Castle lives with his mother, Martha (Susan Sullivan of “Dharma & Greg”), who is a boozing actress, past her prime, with a checkered history with men. Not only is the character a dead ringer for the grandmother played by Jessica Walter in “90210″ (which is already a take on Walter’s mother from hell in “Arrested Development”), but Sullivan even looks disturbingly like Walter in “Castle” (and seems to be channeling Walter’s performance, too).

I can only guess that ABC was hoping that witty banter would carry the program above the sea of police procedurals currently on the networks’ schedules. But creator/writer Andrew Marlowe (in one of his first stabs at television after writing films like “Air Force One” and “Hollow Man”) just doesn’t deliver the kind of smart, funny dialogue that is needed to make up for the plot and character problems. Instead, I found myself rolling my eyes at forced exchanges, like a cop, upon seeing a female murder victim covered in flowers, saying, “Who says romance is dead?”, with Kate replying, “I do, every Saturday night.” Not only does the line not work, but the idea that someone who looks like Kate would be alone on Saturday night for any reason other than her own choice is kind of preposterous (and certainly not inducing any sympathy in the viewers).

Nothing quite feels right in the world that Marlowe has constructed. Castle and Kate are brought together when a murderer kills two victims in the manner described in two of Castle’s books. Kate, a fan, recognizes the correlation and seeks out Castle for more information. Eventually, he wants to be involved (for the thrill and to help his writer’s block) more than she wants him around (she thinks he’s a “bad boy” who jeopardizes her investigation). They end up trying to one-up each other, with Castle trying to show that he knows as much as Kate does, and Kate trying to make it clear that she is the professional who knows better how to do the job.

I found myself asking, Is there such a thing as rock star crime novelists? I doubt a glance at TMZ would reveal many writers amongst the paparazzi photos. And is it me, or is there no humor left to be mined out of a horny older woman? “Castle” wants you to howl in laughter at Martha being on the make, but it just felt a bit degrading and exceptionally silly and done-to-death to me. It doesn’t help when Martha is given dead-on-arrival zingers to spit out, like “I just got a hit on my greydar” when she sees an attractive older man she wants to try and pick up.

Popularity: 12% [?]

Iron Man 2 is the perfect way to kick off the summer of 2010 movie season which, frankly, is something I didn’t anticipate I’d be saying. Why? Because the trailers for Iron Man 2 turned me off. Love Robert Downey Jr and I gave the first Iron Man movie a B+, but the trailers for Iron Man 2 lacked the humor of the first film. In its place the trailers served up what appeared to be battling robots. All I could think was, “Is this a teaser for an Iron Man movie or Transformers 3?” However, those trailers were completely misleading and, thankfully, Iron Man 2 is as good as its predecessor – and in some ways even better.

And here’s the deal, my other worry was that Iron Man 2 would just be used to set-up The Avengers and that the story would suffer from doing so. This was a case of hearing too much about a film before seeing it. Where normally I pay no attention to advance reviews – I, like I assume most critics do, refuse to read any reviews before I write my own – it was impossible to escape the blurbs declaring this a filler between the first Iron Man and the 2012 release of The Avengers. And because I know nothing – I repeat, nothing – about the source material other than what I’ve learned from the film adaptations, I figured I’d be completely lost watching a movie loaded with references comic book fans would understand but that would go right over my head. Wrong again. Iron Man 2 does set-up The Avengers, but it does so in an unobtrusive, oh by the way manner that’s organically woven into the story. There’s a reason Nick Fury (Samuel L Jackson) is in Iron Man 2, and it’s not just Avengers-related.

So if you, like I, were worried that as a person who doesn’t read comic books Iron Man 2 was going to let you down, relax. Iron Man 2 delivers the goods, and the action/CGI – my chief complaint about the first movie – is infinitely better this time around. It’s like night and day, and in fact the robots surrounding Iron Man and War Machine scene from the trailer turned out to be one of my favorites.

Popularity: 36% [?]

Last night’s Lost will go down as one of the most epic episodes in the history of the series. “The Candidate” was full of big moments: Deaths! Bad Guys! Smoke Attack! But it’s most titanic (and Titanic-like) moments, the tragic loss of three (maybe four) major characters, felt a tad underserved, particularly for one character who can snap a dude’s neck with his legs!

But before we get to that, let’s talk about *gasp* the side-flash. Despite all that happened on the island, Deaths! Bad Guys! Smoke Attack!, the side-flash gives us the most to talk about. And it starts almost immediately, with Jack hovering over a recovering John Locke and Locke instantly recognizing Jack. We’re led to believe it’s from their meeting at the lost luggage depot at LAX (missing: Locke’s knives and the body of Jack’s dead dad), but there’s clearly more to it than that as John’s near-death experience allowed him to see the “other side” that we’ve been watching for five and a half seasons: the island and its events.

And for some reason I’m stuck on the scene where Jack goes to visit Bernard, DDS. Was I imagining a far-too sentient Bernard pushing Jack along a path? Though Bernard said it was weird that he and Jack both happened to be on Oceanic 815 (the one that didn’t crash), he sure didn’t act like it. I may be overanalyzing that scene a bit too much, but it gave me weird visions of Bernard being a much bigger player in this thing than we first expected. Pipe up in the comments below if you got a similar tingling.

Jack then tracks down Anthony Cooper and the truth about how John was hurt (plane crash, courtesy of John’s new pilot license). It’s should be interesting to note that John, at least in the alternate timeline, can fly a plane, according to whatever aviation committee gave him a license. That kind of talent could come in handy should real John be able to wrestle control from Smoke Monster Locke. Just sayin’.

I was also a big fan of Jack and John’s final scene in the corridor. When was the last time we saw Terry O’Quinn and (more importantly) Matthew Fox just be able to relax and act? It may not have had the fireworks the rest of the episode had, but I couldn’t take my eyes off these two thesps, the cornerstones of the series we’ve been entranced with for six years.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Week 7 elimination episode of Dancing With the Stars, one couple was beamed from Planet Mirrorballus back to a world in which the wearing of shirts and pants at the same time is more prevalent and encouraged. Catch the fallen Star after the jump; in the meantime, relive Monday’s performance episode with today’s full TV Watch recap and my Week 7 Crazy Costume Watch photo gallery! 

Pamela Anderson and Damian Whitewood were eliminated in Week 7. Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy, cutest showmantic couple ever, joined them in the bottom two. Meanwhile, Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl Burke had quite a scare but were not necessarily in the bottom three.

Evan Lysacek got the first post-show Pam hug. I thought that seemed relevant.

Popularity: 4% [?]

24 fans who were counting the minutes until Katee Sackhoff’s CTU analyst/mole, Dana Walsh, was wiped off the face of the earth can start celebrating: The double-crossing evildoer found herself on the wrong end of Jack Bauer’s pistol in last night’s pulse-pounding episode. Her death brings to end one of the show’s most ridiculed story arcs since Kim Bauer’s took a detour to cougar town in season 2. But what did Sackhoff think of the tall tale and the backlash it triggered? In the following exclusive interview, the Battlestar Galactica superstar tackles that question and about 10 others with such hilarious candor that she practically redeemed the whole damn storyline!

Dana just got killed. Reaction?
KATEE SACKHOFF: That’s so sad. Poor Dana.

Do you genuinely feel sympathy for her?
SACKHOFF: None whatsoever. [Laughs]. She doesn’t have one redeeming quality. I tried desperately to give her a redeeming quality. I really tried. The only thing I could come up with was that she didn’t crack when she was tortured.

What was it like playing someone like that?
SACKHOFF: It was weird. I kind of figured if I couldn’t give her a redeeming quality, I was just going to be the most ridiculously unsympathetic villain ever. I was going to try and make everyone hate her. That was my goal, and I think I succeeded.

Were you looking to play a one-note baddie when you signed on?
SACKHOFF: [Before 24] I always had to give tons of thought to my characters. They had so many layers and they were exhausting to play. By the time [Battlestar] was over I was so tired. I was like, “Can I please play a character that’s just cut and dry?” [Laughs] With Dana, I just kind of went to work and played what was on the page. It was a much easier process.

The Dana plot was not well-received. Were you aware that it wasn’t going over well?
SACKHOFF: I didn’t realize that. [Pause] I don’t care. I played a character [Starbuck] who was hated from the very beginning just because she was a woman, so I learned a long time ago not to read [the feedback]. It’s counterproductive to doing your job… I respect the fans and I respect their opinions but it’s sad that they’re not happy when it’s the last season.

Was there anything Dana did that made you go, “WTF?”?
SACKHOFF: I think when I had a gun and [onscreen hubby] Freddie [Prince Jr.] shot it for me. I was like, “Wow, I’m completely playing a new character here.” For the first five or six episodes I was like, “Guys, you’ve got to give me a gun. I don’t do the whole stand here and look pretty thing very well.” And then they finally give me a gun and the man standing next to me shot it for me.

Did you object?
SACKHOFF: Of course I did. But then I was told I was a Russian spy and I was like, “Okay, I get it.”

I thought you were going to say hiding Bill Prady’s dead body in the wall at CTU was the craziest thing Dana did.
SACKHOFF: [Mock contempt] Where else was she going to put it?! Was she going to drag it down the hallway? She had to figure out something really quick, and the grate in the wall seemed like a perfect place. The only thing we were joking about was can you imagine when they start turning the heat on in the winter? Six months later everyone’s like, “What is that smell?!” And they’re like, “Damn that Dana!” [Laughs]

How was the whole 24 experience?
SACKHOFF: It was fantastic. Because of the way they shoot 24 you feel like you’re never there. I kind of felt like I could go hang out at Coffee Bean with all the unemployed actors. Every time I’d get a paycheck I was like, “Oh, that’s right. I have a job!” It was pretty easy compared to what I was used to. I’ve been so spoiled. I moved to L.A. when I was 17 and I constantly worked on television, so I’ve always been able to have, in a sense, a normal job where you go to work every day. And after Battlestar ended and [my NBC] pilot [Lost & Found] wasn’t picked up I got completely disillusioned by the business. I had never done a pilot that hadn’t been picked up, so I was like, “What?!” So I wanted to go back to something that felt safe and exciting and well-received, and 24 was a perfect fit. It’s what I needed to get my footing and go tackle another pilot season.

Why did you have so much time off? It’s not like Dana disappeared for long stretches. Did you shoot all your scenes in one day?
SACKHOFF: Yeah, that’s what they do. And it’s not just one episode, it’s two episodes. I would shoot all my stuff for episodes 5 and 6, which would normally take 18 days, in one day. So I’d have off for three weeks. I think I had the whole month of November off.

Was that frustrating at all? Because it’s not like you can go off and commit to another gig.
SACKHOFF: It was frustrating. I felt unemployed. I had all my chores done by 9 a.m. and I’m like, “What do I do now?” I’d call up my ex-boyfriend at work and go, “It’s 9 a.m. and I’m done. Is it too early to start drinking at noon?”

Popularity: 3% [?]

Siobhan Magnus’ performance of “Any Man of Mine” will find its way through the darkness, and a high, piercing sound will cut the silence. One of the beings will say, “I have no idea what that was.” And the other will respond, “Neither do I. But at least it wasn’t pitchy.”

Once destined to make it to the final two on American Idol, Siobhan Magnus ended her run on a sad night that proved to me just why I never listen to contemporary country music. I had high hopes for Siobhan, ever since I learned she was a glass-blowing apprentice from Cape Cod. I’ve said it before: Talented and eccentric, she was exactly the kind of girl I would have loved from afar in high school. Having spotted and possibly obsessed about her shoulder tattoo, I would have searched out a first edition of Edward Gorey’s The Gashlycrumb Tinies and secretly left it by her locker. Just to see that smile (high school was tough for me).

Of course, such idealization invariably leads to disillusionment. Early in the season, I loved what Siobhan did with Stevie Wonder’s “Living For the City” and Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game.” Then she became famous for the Big Note, and that was her downfall. It became both a trademark and a crutch and Siobhan has enough talent that she didn’t need to resort to gimmicks. Yes, she consistently hit (and held) those notes, but they almost seemed to exist outside the songs she was singing. Meanwhile, her song choices no longer reflected her originality. A Mariah song? A Whitney song? “Any Man of Mine”? That’s all Kellie Pickler territory.

Here’s hoping that, freed from the confines of Idol and the wrath of the teen texters, Siobhan will again find her true voice. I’m rooting for her. In the meantime, here are a few more observations from results night:

The FCC must act now: Considering the vampire-themed Ford video and the endless Shrek promotion that dominated the early portion of the show, from now on results night should open with the advisory, “IDOLMERCIAL WARNING: The following program may contain graphic scenes of shameless shilling that may be unsuitable for viewers who fast-forward through commercials.”

When did Simon LeBon join Rascal Flatts? Their lead singer looked suspiciously like the Duran Duran frontman, years downstream from “Rio.”

The Sons of Sylvia must change their name: Disappointing. I was looking forward to a klezmer band. Back in my neighborhood, Sylvia’s sons were named Shmuley, Fyvush, and Yankel.

Someone needs to drive a stake through the heart of the vampire trend: Please, enough. We learned that Aaron Kelly has never been a vampire before, probably because he still has his baby fangs. I’m also wondering just what “pent-up darkness” the director was saying the Idols could tap into. Maybe Tim Urban had some, but not Big Mike.

Nothing says “romantic duet” like drink-fueled lust: I actually enjoyed “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum. Nice harmonies and everything, although the emotional longing was undermined a bit by the song’s drunk-dialing dynamic.

Shakira, the presidential historian: She’s definitely big on Theodore Roosevelt. Not only did she quote him last night, but he was also the inspiration for “Hips Don’t Lie.”

Popularity: 4% [?]

In its third season, Lisa Kudrow’s brilliantly satirical Web series about delusional online (and unaccredited) therapist Fiona Wallice has taken flight. While viewers once simply watched Fiona’s webcam sessions with gullible clients, now the show — which just got picked up by Showtime .

Features her video chats with the woman who tried to seduce Fiona’s (possibly gay) politician husband; his passive-aggressive campaign manager; and — praise be to the comedy gods — her psychiatrist sister, played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus. If you haven’t made an appointment yet for a little Web Therapy, it’s time you did

Popularity: 2% [?]

In past seasons, the off-camera lives of the ladies have seemed far more interesting than the ones portrayed on the show. But this season, MTV promises to cover the topics that have filled the tabloids, including Heidi’s numerous plastic surgeries and Kristin’s rumored drug problem. In fact, both are addressed in the sixth — and final — season premiere, which finds Heidi — and her brand new face — heading home to Colorado, and Kristin celebrating the Super Bowl in Miami, where her hard partying becomes a concern to her cast mates.

Popularity: 2% [?]

The 23-year-old bartender from Dacula, GA became the eighth girl eliminated from America’s Next Top Model’s fourteenth season during last night’s broadcast of The CW reality competition series.

“I’m very disappointed about not going to New Zealand with the other girls. I would love to. I’ve never been out of the country,” said Anslee after her ouster.

“I am excited to be able to see my child of course, but I’m devastated that I feel like I let her down. I made it way further than I ever would guessed I would have made it. There were hundreds and hundreds of girls I tried out with to get here. To me, that’s accomplishing something. It may not have been all the way like I wanted to go, but it’s accomplishing something.”

America’s Next Top Model’s seventh fourteenth-season episode began following the previous elimination of Brenda Arens. With only seven girls remaining, Anslee realized that the end was in sight.

“I’m not only here for my own dreams and I’m not only here for myself, but I’m here to potentially give my husband and my child a better life that they deserve,” said Anslee.

The next morning, the seven remaining girls were met by The City star Whitney Port and agent Pat Cleveland. Whitney explained that she’d be taking the girls out and they’d be wearing something from her Whitney Eve collection, while Pat would be speaking with each individually to learn more about them.

The girls then arrived at a drag queen bar, where they were introduced to a drag queen version of Tyra Banks and mentor J. “Miss J” Alexander. Miss J explained that the girls would be competing in a challenge in which each would be walking the runway before the audience voted for their favorite.

Krista, a 26-year-old retail manager from Pine Bluff, AR, was awarded the challenge victory after receiving the loudest applause from the audience. She won a several pieces from Whitney’s collection.

Back at the loft, Anslee was upset she lost the challenge but happy she “stayed true” to herself.

“In the end, that means a lot more to me,” she said.

The next morning the girls were ready to leave for their photo shoot — except for Alasia, an 18-year-old student from Marietta, GA, who was running behind. Sick of waiting, the girls left the loft without her.

“I’m about to be in so much trouble,” she opined. “I don’t want to get in trouble and then — oh my gosh — what if that causes me to get sent home or something. I don’t want to get sent home because I’m late.”

She eventually made it downstairs and got in the limousine.

The girls then arrived at their shoot, where they were met by Top Model photo shoot director Jay Manuel and photographer Jerry Metellus. Jay explained for their next shoot, the girls would be wearing outfits made entirely of hair. The girls would be divided into two teams for the shoot, one of which would be led by hairstylist Weaven Steven while the other would be led by hair stylist Derek J.

Weaven’s team consisted of Krista, Anslee, Angelea, a 23-year-old answering service operator from Buffalo, NY, and Raina, a 22-year-old student from Minnetonka, MN. Derek J’s team consisted of Alasia, Alexandra, a 21-year-old student from Kerrville, TX, and Jessica, an 18-year-old model from Conway, AR.

“This photo shoot, I’m going to listen to what Mr. Jay has to say, but I’m also going to put my own twist and my own spin on what he has to say,” said Anslee. “I want to prove to my family and my daughter that I can do this.”

Her shoot commenced, and Jay advised her to not be “over conscious of selling the arm piece” and to be a “little more effortless.”

“I think every now and then Anslee forgets about her body positioning,” said Jay. “I don’t think she understands the true essence that you expect of a top model.”

Alexandra knew it was also “imperative” for her to do well during the shoot — however her twisting in front of the camera didn’t sit well with Jay. Alexandra subsequently complained that it was hard to get her hair dress to move, which Jay disputed.

“Alexandra is getting a lot of critique right now, and she is starting to break down,” said Raina. “At this point in the competition she cannot afford to get in a rut.”

Jay thought Alexandra looked like “a fish out of water.”

“She not only did not know how to move the dress, she totally forgot how to model period,” said Jay.

“Definitely struggling through a photo shoot isn’t something you want ever — especially now,” she opined. “It was really crucial for me to do really well because I haven’t won yet. It’s just really frustrating.”

The photo shoot ended and the girls returned to the loft, aware that they’d be attending panel the next day.

“Deep down inside, I am nervous about elimination this week,” said Anslee.

“The realistic side of me knows that I’m not out of the woods yet, but I don’t want to think about that. I’m either going to be in the middle, or I’m going to be on top.”

The girls then arrived for the next judging panel — where they would be critiqued by America’s Next Top Model creator and lead judge Tyra Banks, photographer Nigel Barker, Vogue editor-at-large Andre Leon Talley, and Whitney. Before panel commenced, Tyra revealed that the six girls remaining after the elimination would be traveling to New Zealand.

Anslee immediately ran into problems when her photo was unveiled, as Andre said he was bothered by her “stereotypical” point of the toe on her left leg, which he called “cliche.” Nigel liked the “strength” in her face.

“You look a little stiff,” added Whitney. “Your shoulders look a little uncomfortable.”

Tyra thought Anslee didn’t take enough risks.

Alexandra also ran into some trouble, as Nigel thought she looked “shell-shocked” because she looked straight into the camera.

“I think your hand look very awkward — it’s almost like you were trying to do a dance that maybe is not a dance,” added Andre. “Although your face is quite beautiful.”

Tyra agreed about Alexandra’s face.

“But I wish that you would have had your head closer to camera,” she added. “Push your head forward and it will make your head be the same proportion as your body.”

The other five girls also received critiques before the judges began to deliberate their decision.

“Anslee was probably my least favorite,” said Whitney. “I didn’t like her body, her hands are awkward, her legs are awkward. I love her face, but other than that she wasn’t selling the outfit for me.”

Whitney also thought that Alexandra’s pose was “off.”

“She obviously is not connecting what she thinks she’s doing to what she’s actually doing,” she said.

However Tyra thought Alexandra’s face was “divine.”

The judges then met with the girls and revealed that Krista had the best photo of the shoot and learned she’d be flying first class to New Zealand. They then revealed Angelea, Raina, Jessica and Alasia were safe — leaving Anslee and Alexandra in the bottom two.

“Anslee the judges find your face to be so stunning, but they fear you might be just a beauty model — meaning a model that only models from the chest up. For some reason, when the camera pulls far away and gets you from head-to-toe, it becomes a little bland. But the judges wonder, do you need a little bit more practice?” said Tyra.

“Alexandra takes pretty decent pictures — not amazing — but pretty decent pictures. Then every now and then, a picture that’s absolutely stunning. But the judges are feeling a lack of drive and lack of desire to be in this competition.”

Tyra then revealed Anslee was eliminated.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Cartoon Network unveiled plans for a 25 new shows and many more returning programs targeted at young boys for next fall. Among the highlights announced Wednesday:

NEW

– Hall of Game, the network’s first awards show to honor sports personalities, will feature a full red-carpet presentation also featuring celebrities from movies, music and television. It’s scheduled for early 2011.

– The Looney Tunes Show is a 3-D reimagining of the classic ‘toon for the CGI-animation generation. A fully rendered sneak preview of the new Road Runner was slick and sculptural, like the movie Ice Age, but kept the bird’s legs a decidedly low-tech blur.

Cartoon Network renews Robot Chicken

– Scooby-Doo Mystery Incorporated, a similar update of the groovy Hanna-Barbera sleuth series.

– Tower Prep, a live-action mystery series about a rebellious teen who is forced to enroll in a secret boarding school for kids with supernatural gifts (think X-Men meets Harry Potter).

– Firebreather, a special movie event that sounds like Teen Wolf, except the half-human high school kid’s dad is a dragon, thus giving him the titular very special ability.

– Generator Rex, a new series from the creator of the successful Ben 10 franchise.

– The network also announced that it is developing a series of 15-minute blocks of animated shows designed to capture kids’ short attention spans.

Popularity: 15% [?]