TeleChimp

Um. Hi there. How are you? Yeah, we should probably discuss what we all just saw. Everything’s going to be okay.

I mean, who hasn’t had angry rage-filled sex with their own arch enemy? And if you’re pounding away on them and you, you know, don’t exactly want them looking at you then… it’s academic, right? Natural even.

By the way, if you didn’t get the chance to read True Blood Stars Spill Their Guts!, then check it out. I got a chance to speak with Mariana Klaveno, the lovely actress who plays Lorena, at the True Blood red carpet premiere a few weeks ago and I specfically asked her about the… Well, we’ll just call it the scene. Yes, it’s true. We had a chance to see this episode before the rest of y’all and we’ve been simply dying for you guys to catch up! It’s been rough. My own fun story regarding “It Hurts Me Too” involves IGN Features Editor Phil Pirrello, the TV at my desk and me saying “Hey, Phil, come here and watch this.” Eye-trauma ensued as poor Phil, who pretty much hates the show to begin with, had to watch the scene cold; with no context. Hell, even with context, watching undead corkscrew sex is enough to make anyone do a “spit take” of the soul. “Damn you, Fowler,” he said intermittently throughout the rest of the day.

In “It Hurt Me Too,” we finally saw Sookie head out on an actual search for Bill, accompanied by the towering Eric-surrogate, Alcide the werewolf (Joe Manganiello). Alcide is a hulking, seemingly-gentle giant, who sort of fits this show’s bill at what a bad boy is supposed to be. Both he and Eric (and this is nothing against the performances of Alexander Skarsgard and Manganiello really) are mostly soft-spoken and tame in demeanor even though they’re supposed to represent, for all intents and purposes, Bill’s competition. They both dangerously border on *gasp* being bland. While Bill, who one might think, as the “nice vamp,” would be the bland one is the one who seems to be showing the most rage and passion these days. I mean, hell, we just saw him turn Lorena into a Pez Dispenser. Considering how bereft I thought Bill was back in Season 1, I never thought he’d wind up being the most brutally animated of the bunch. Alcide was fine, but his misadventures with Sookie in the werewolf bar, Lou Pines (har har), wound up making me want to meet his ex, Debbie, more than follow him on his adventures with Sookie.

It’s unclear at this point whether Bill really believes in his actions at the end of the episode, or if he’s taking it upon himself to go undercover (deeep undercover!) to work with Russell to see what The King’s grand scheme is. Bill’s heart-wrenching flashbacks were great – as they usually are – and it just might be true that Bill has now taken Lorena’s message to heart: That “the only way to show your love for a human is to stay away.

Forever.” We shall see. Even if Bill is “hereby renouncing his fealty for the Kingdom of Louisiana” as a ruse to try and thwart whatever devious plan Russell has up his sleeve, we can be damn sure that Sookie will NOT be happy about it. Or be happy with Bill’s desperate “punish f***” with Lorena. Bill’s now operating under the luxury of not knowing how determined Sookie is to find him. Meanwhile, Dennis O’Hare’s King Russell continues to delight. “In Mississippi, our appetite for unprovoked violence is nil,” he practically yawns at Bill.

The werewolf that Eric and Sookie wound up killing at the beginning of the episode seemed like a bit more of a threat than what we’ve encountered so far. Eric seems to be pretty worried about them so that’s a good sign that we might wind up seeing them as a threat as well. “I’ve got your rug all wet,” Eric says to Sookie, blood dripping from his chin, as we discover that the “Operation Werewolf” gang are a new group of wolves making trouble in the area. V seems to give these wolves an extra dose of wolf-iness that makes them more of a challenge, but I’m still waiting for them to seem as big of a threat as, hell, even those Fellowship of the Sun idiots back in Season 2. Eric winds up placing Sookie with Alcide and then he, kind of, checks out of the story. Will he wind up circling back into Sookie’s storyline or will he be off on his own adventures for the rest of the season?

Tara received her first taste of heightened vampire eroticism. I’m interested to see where her story with Franklin winds up going. Not interested in her, mind, you. It’s mostly him. After two episodes, he’s already more appealing than Eggs and Maryanne. I particularly liked his scene with Jessica where she, once again, didn’t know a crucial “vampire rule.” Franklin seems like he might be a “fixer.” “I find things,” is all he really offers up. Franklin describes Jessica as annoying, which is what we all thought of her back at the outset. But she’s now become funny and sweet, and the more I watch her fumble, the more I realize how neglectful Bill has been as her maker.

I’m afraid we’re going to have to put up with Jason’s lame meanderings for a little bit longer. I liked his soft scene with Tara at Merlotte’s, but his whole bone-headed notion about becoming a cop was dumb. Most what he’s doing right now just isn’t working. Especially when we, as viewers, could totally get behind a life-decision like that. But then he goes and refuses to study for the cop exam. So it’s not really a newer, focused and re-dedicated Jason, which is what we’d all love to see. He’s also still seeing those bullet holes in people’s foreheads, which continues to be overtly goofy. I did appreciated Sheriff Dearborn’s decision to say “eff this” and quit however. could this pave the way for Sheriff Bellefleur and Deputy Stackhouse?

Sam’s earnest quest to discover his birth-kin seems to have wound up biting him in the ass a bit. I won’t go so far as to say that this should serve as a warning to anyone trying to find their real parents, but maybe stay away from the kind that sit around drinking Old Milwaukee in their tighty-whities when you’ve got a successful business that they might want in on. Eggs’ lonely funeral made for a solid scene, even if I never cared about his character. It was nice that they, once again, showed us how he really had no one in his life.

The highlight of this episode were Bill’s flashbacks and the pox-ridden tragedy that befell his young children. I think we all just assumed — after he watched Carolyn and his kids through the window in the flashback scene back in “Sparks Fly Out” — that Bill never returned home. The story was well-told and it just might have been there to help us viewers believe that Bill bought into Russell and Lorena’s advice about leaving the human world behind. Then again, Bill only boner-pounced on Lorena when she told him that she didn’t buy his act. So it really did seem like he did it as a way to convince her of his, ahem, dedication to the cause.

Popularity: 45% [?]

Look, I don’t want to be difficult here, but at no point in the newKarate Kid does anyone learn karate. It’s kung fu. The characters call it kung fu. The film is set in China, which is where kung fu is practiced. Except for a brief instance of the kid watching some karate instruction on television, The Karate Kid contains no karate whatsoever.

I don’t ask for a lot in life. The idea of remaking a beloved film doesn’t offend me. I’m not one of those geeks who insist that remakes somehow retroactively destroy the originals. But if you’re going to remake The Karate Kid, it had DAMN WELL BETTER HAVE KARATE IN IT.

You would think this would be non-negotiable. You would think that if the screenplay replaced karate with kung fu, someone would say, “Oh, we’d better change the title to The Kung Fu Kid.” And everyone would say, “Right, right, obviously.” There wouldn’t even be a discussion.

Yet somehow it went like this:

FIRST STUDIO EXECUTIVE: It’s a remake of The Karate Kid, but instead of a high school student learning karate from an old Japanese man in Southern California, it’s a 12-year-old boy learning kung fu from an old Chinese man in Beijing!

SECOND STUDIO EXECUTIVE: Brilliant! What’s it called?

FIRST STUDIO EXECUTIVE: The Karate Kid!

SECOND STUDIO EXECUTIVE: I see no flaws in this!

(Remove clothes; roll around naked in money; end scene.)

Apart from THAT, it’s a pretty faithful remake of the 1984 favorite. The original writer, Robert Mark Kamen, gets story credit, and the screenplay (by newcomer Christopher Murphey) hits most of the same plot points and even approximates some of the dialogue. I guess if they’d called it The Kung Fu Kid, people would have thought it was a rip-off of The Karate Kid, rather than an authorized remake of it. Plus there’s the name recognition. People are predisposed to liking a movie called The Karate Kid. The fact that it DOESN’T HAVE ANY KARATE IN IT is beside the point.

Sorry. I’m trying to hold it together. Never mind the backstory. Let’s pretend you never heard of the original Karate Kid and went into this one cold. How is the movie itself? Eh, fine. Its greatest asset is Jaden Smith, son of Will Smith, who seems to have inherited his dad’s effortless charm and likability. He plays Dre Parker, a 12-year-old Detroit boy who’s uprooted when his mother (Taraji P. Henson) is transferred by her company to Beijing. Dre is soon set upon by a bully his age, Cheng (Zhenwei Wang), whose kung fu instructor preaches the “no mercy” method of fighting. Moving to another country is bad enough. Now he has to get beaten up by a jerk whose language he doesn’t even speak?

Along comes Mr. Han (Jackie Chan), the maintenance man at Dre’s apartment building. He is reclusive and taciturn and not at all Jackie Chan-like. He knows kung fu, though, and he offers to train Dre so that he can face off against Cheng in an official venue, a junior tournament being held some weeks hence.

There are no surprises from that point forward if you’ve seen the original Karate Kid, and probably even if you haven’t. Dre learns lessons about life and kung fu, bonds with Mr. Han (no mention is ever made of Dre’s absent father), and we all go home happy, if not exactly overwhelmed.

The film, directed by Harald Zwart (The Pink Panther 2, Agent Cody Banks), was shot in China and makes some genuine effort to make the location part of the story, rather than just a Generic Exotic Backdrop. Most of the Chinese characters speak Mandarin, not English, adding to Dre’s sense of alienation. Meiying (Wenwen Han), a sweet girl Dre’s age, is driven by her austere parents to practice the violin constantly, suggesting the high expectations placed upon modern Chinese youth.

The only real problem with the film, other than its utter lack of karate, is its length: almost two and a half hours! Meiying, pleasant though she is, adds nothing to the main story, and a scene explaining Mr. Han’s tragic past is maudlin and unconvincing. All of that should have been cut, and the whole movie tightened up, to prevent the rambling, lackadaisical tone it wound up with. If you must remake The Karate Kid and if you must do it without including any karate, the least you can do is get us in and out of there in two hours.

Popularity: 73% [?]

I’ll say it. Season 2 was better than Season 3. That’s not a condemnation of Season 3, ’cause it’s all good. Pizza and ice cream. Apples and oranges. Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.

Season 2 had a common thread from beginning to end with lots of dry humor. The story was airtight — was their anything that stood out or took you out of the immersion of Season 2? — and it dropped a lot of jaws without the physical impact. No one was murdered (OK, maybe a few people were murdered) and the only major repercussions for the main were metaphorical and indirect. Well that was corrected in Season 3.

Season 3 lost a little air-tightness. The writers didn’t take the time needed for its Lincoln Log-style character development, though I don’t know if they could have even done it within the 13 episodes. Skyler found out in the very first episode of Season 3 that Walt was in meth (“you’re a drug dealer”), and on very little evidence. She then left him, took the kids, asked for a divorce, slept with her boss, ditched her creepy stalking boss, decided to play it single and then wanted in on the meth trade while still fended off Walt from his “I’m a family man” trip — all in roughly 11 episodes. So yes, Skyler’s development was rushed and inorganic. It’s not like there was a reasonable resolution to her finding out Walt’s big secret that wouldn’t have had her cut altogether from the show. Either (a) she leaves Walt forever and takes Walt Jr. with her, (b) she reports Walt to the police, or (c) she gradually accepts that this is Walt’s life and comes back into the fold. The latter two require Anna Gunn to never appear in the series again and for Walt to have nothing to live for.

Jesse, likewise, suffered from not knowing who or what he is/was. He went from rehab to buying his parents house to the hospital to turning back into the bitch and yo dude we knew from Season 1 to ruining Walt’s good life again to the drug addict to the actual bad guy he had been telling himself he was all season long.

I think Season 2 put Season 3 in this position. The writing team does what Creator Vince Gilligan describes as improvisational jazz-style writing, where they have an idea of what they want to do, and an idea of the characters, but let the story unfold in front of them—let the characters decide where their actions will take them. I love that, but sometimes playing jazz with characters can lead to a dead end and it did just that at the end of Season 2. Hopefully the end of Season 3 didn’t put Season 4 in the same position.

What Breaking Bad lost from Season 1 and 2 to Season 3, though, it gained in dexterity, action and some serious “holy f**k” moments. Sure, Skyler’s development was rushed, but would you rather have a paced development or the final minute in “One Minute?” BB, like any good powder keg, exploded this year, and the writers spread those moments out evenly like butter on bread. “One Minute” and “Half Measures” were neither at the beginning nor at the very end. Nobody told us when those moments were coming, they weren’t advertised as the episodes they were.

And we loved it. We didn’t see either of those scenes coming. I mean, didn’t it seem like the cousins were going to be out in ABQ until they resolved their mess with Walt? It hit us so suddenly that we didn’t even have time to think about who was more likely to die in that situation, the cousins or Hank. Yeah, we were given a warning by Gus that the cousins were going after Hank, but after we saw mostly planning from the cousins throughout the episode, did anyone think they were going to do it then?

Damn that action was amazing. Every second of it. I don’t think I need to say any more about the crash in “Half Measures” than what IGN TV Editor Matt Fowler said about it: he was watching it alone at his desk. When “it” happened at the end, he cried out “Holy s**t!” in the office.

Those moments were tempered with some great scenes that defined relationships between characters. Later, we see one of the cousins crawling toward Walt like he wants to kill him. It’s the first time Walt has seen either of the cousins and the first time Walt understands they were there to kill him. Another scene: Walt and Skyler are talking about when Walt can come over to have dinner with the family and they hilariously bargain like everything is on the line. Their relationship is still on rocky ground, but resolutions are sought.

Popularity: 46% [?]

Advance Review: Seven years after being cancelled by Fox, Futurama makes a return to broadcast television this Thursday night. Well, seven years and four straight-to-DVD movies. When you have a show as smart and hilarious as Futurama, it’s difficult to keep it down. I cursed the day the series was cancelled and was thrilled to learn Comedy Central would be bring the show back. But will it be worth it? After watching the first of two new episodes, the answer is “maybe.”

A good series in its original run usually has a decent, propelling momentum going. It may take a little time, but that series will eventually find its groove and its unique voice and really start producing its best episodes. Futurama had found that groove and was seemingly at the top of its game when Fox gave it the boot. It’s those episodes that fans have watched and loved over and over again on Adult Swim and Comedy Central. The four movies were an extension of the series, but aren’t as revered as those original episodes. I found them to be hit and miss, enjoying them as a visit with old friends that never quite lives up to the good times we once had. So Futurama no longer had that momentum. Trying to reclaim it or restart it may be a fruitless effort, but we fans can’t help but hope the return of Futurama might actually mean the return of Futurama.

As the first of the new episodes to air on Comedy Central, “Rebirth” has the difficult responsibility of picking up where the DVD movies left off, while still reestablishing itself as a weekly series. And the episode does follow the ending of Into the Wild Green Yonder. Throughout the episode, but especially at the beginning, there are plenty of self-referential jokes about the series returning. There’s a fantastic exchange early on between the crew of the Planet Express ship that ends with Amy delivering one the funniest, perfectly-timed lines of the entire half-hour. But once we get past these funny bits, the comedy of the episode flounders a bit. Bender is given a great set-up for some excessive partying, but the remaining stories seem oddly familiar, with some jokes lifted from earlier episodes of the series and even one or two I recall from The Simpsons.

While the big laughs may be few, “Rebirth” still delivers an interesting story — the details of which I’ll avoid to keep away from spoilers — using many of the familiar tropes of this amazingly well rounded sci-fi world. Futurama was always great when taking science-fiction conventions (time travel, aliens, robots, etc.) and making them work in smart, satirical and very relatable ways. “Rebirth” continues this with some fun twists of storytelling and makes it all worthwhile.

It’s too early to tell if “Rebirth” is, in fact, the return of the Futurama we know and love, but it’s a worthy first episode after such a long time without episodic stories. Here’s hoping this new season only makes the series better and that in some far off future, people will look back at Futurama’s entire collection of episodes and never realize there was a seven year gap.

Check back Thursday night for our review of the second episode of the season, “In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela.”

Popularity: 80% [?]

This episode certainly had its ups and downs. There were some strong, poignant moments, but there were others that felt uncharacteristically false for this show – including the off screen character assassination of two original Friday Night Lights characters.

The material with Vince and Luke was very good. After someone reported a gun in Vince’s locker (and I hope the show doesn’t ignore the question of who that might have been), and even though no gun was found, Eric was concerned, knowing Vince’s history. Vince was made quarterback in this episode, and his mother came to thank Eric, in a nice scene that showed how much she loved her son, when she’s actually coherent and able to express herself.

Vince was very resistant to Eric’s attempts to make sure things were okay, harshly, yet effectively, asking, “If I break my ankle, you still going to come and check on me?”, letting Coach know he doubted he really cared about him. But look, how can you resist Eric Taylor’s awesomeness? You can’t, and eventually Vince came around and showed up at the Taylors late at night, handing the gun over to Eric – who told Tami he was going to make it disappear.

One of the peripheral Lions, Tinker, got a very strong and touching instant boost in this episode. When he suggested the team could all help Luke build the new fence his dad was insistent he help with – even if it meant missing school – it could have led to an over the top moment where the entire team shows up at Luke’s farm. Instead, it was just Tinker, noting everyone else went to a party. Tink then telling Luke’s dad that Luke holds the team together and what he means to them was a wonderful scene. And lo and behold, I knew I was now firmly invested in Luke when this was followed by Luke’s accident, as he got his leg crushed by cattle pushing open a gate – and I found myself saying a certain colorful word out loud, upset over what happened and concerned for what it means for Luke’s future on the team.

Meanwhile, Julie was understandably upset over Matt having left, but unfortunately, this began the trouble spots for the episode. At least Landry had some very funny bits early on, as he saw Julie joining every school group imaginable – including a dig at Twilight and the statement, “You realize the irony behind the name ‘Academic Smackdown’?”

But then there was the portrayal of Matt – or lack thereof. Julie was incredibly hurt that Matt hadn’t called her since he left, which was only compounded when she found out he had been calling his mother and grandmother. To which I say – seriously? Matt Saracen, kind, caring guy that he is, is just going to fail to call Julie like this? I don’t buy it. And with Matt not on the show anymore, we aren’t getting any good explanation for it. Matt leaving as abruptly as he did was bad enough, but this is just bizarre. And apparently, he’s not calling Landry either? And what was up with Landry saying, “He was my best friend too.” Was? Did he stop being his best friend? Well, maybe so, if he has decided to completely sever all ties with Landry and Julie upon leaving Dillon.

It didn’t help matters that Julie’s breakdown during an “Academic Smackdown” event was pretty silly – the way the books she was asked to talk about so easily tied into her perception of Matt was just way too on the nose and obvious for, especially for a show that is great at being subtle.

If that weren’t enough, in the very same episode, Tyra stands up Landry when he goes to a pre-arranged meeting spot. Really? Just when did they make this plan to meet at this random spot on the road? She couldn’t call and tell him she couldn’t make it? Why are these characters we love being jerks off screen? It was just very odd.

Better was Tami’s subplot, which brought back Glenn, her crushing coworker. With Tami receiving so much crap from the Boosters and students, it was nice to see the faculty at least had her back. And Glen’s drunken, attempted kiss was painfully awkward, while his apology – “I mouth raped you!” – was funny and awkwardly sweet.

As for Tim – ay yi yi, he is going to a dark place. He was right about Becky’s father being an abandoning creep, but handled it terribly, telling Becky about her dad’s second family with no tact, and then almost daring the guy to punch him when he taunted that he’d slept with Becky’s mom. And Billy, needing cash, ready to begin “working” with Vince’s criminal pal is not a good sign for the Riggins family… (the stripper fundraiser for Mindy and Billy’s medical funds however was very amusing).

The show is in a tough spot with Riggins – wanting to keep Taylor Kitsch on the show, but also trying to figure out what to do with Tim, now that he’s graduated. Portraying him as aimless certainly works for now, but hopefully something satisfying can occur for the character in the long run – him eying that piece of land at the end certainly is setting something up. But it remains to be seen whether that will be a triumph or disaster for Tim.

Popularity: 57% [?]

Faced with a house containing James Corden and some kind of murderous shape-shifting extraterrestrial, we weren’t entirely sure which we’d find most terrifying in this week’s Doctor Who. As it turns out, neither – in ‘The Lodger’, Corden reminded us how he got himself on the celebrity map in the first with a sweetly sincere performance as lovelorn Craig Owens, while the initially more enticing alien premise ended up little more than a curious fizzle.

Based on writer Gareth Roberts’ 2007 comic strip of the same name, this week’s Doctor Who saw the TARDIS go haywire as the Timelord touched down in modern-day Colchester, leaving the Doctor stranded on Earth as Amy ricocheted around time and space thanks to some alien interference. With nowhere to go, the Doctor attempted to pass himself off as human as the lodger in a flat which just so happened to be home of some malevolent extraterrestrial force, luring humans off the street and up the stairs to their doom.

As far as plot goes, that’s about it, ‘The Lodger’ proving to be one of the fluffier episodes of Season 5. It might have been short on drama and Amy Pond but it was still a surprisingly enjoyable little duck-out-of-water adventure that played up the Eleventh Doctor’s peculiarly alien qualities brilliantly. It’s been one of the most interesting aspects of Matt Smith’s character this series, offering a refreshing contrast to David Tennant’s almost too-human Timelord but ‘The Lodger’ let Smith rip with often witty, occasionally silly scenarios that played up this Doctor’s most alien traits to great comic effect.

In sharp contrast to last week’s ‘Vincent and the Doctor’, which largely limited Smith to visual slapstick, ‘The Lodger’ left the laughs to the script. Thrust into a series of very human situations – from flat sharing to football – Smith was an absolute joy to watch, even if he did spend an usual amount of time with his clothes off. With such a light tone to the piece and familiar faces in the form of James Corden and Daisy Haggard – both acquitting themselves admirably – this was just about the closest thing we’re ever likely to get to a Doctor Who sitcom, even with seeping brown ceiling-ooze and an evil force upstairs.

For the most part, ‘The Lodger’ flew along at a briskly enjoyable pace, stuffed full of memorable, if occasionally goofy set-pieces. Where things faltered though was in the more traditional Who elements – some lax direction left the alien threat devoid of almost all tension, despite a desperate abundance of strobes, and Amy’s occasional onboard TARDIS appearances just never quite gelled with the rest of the story, though Karen Gillan proving as watchable as ever.

Worst of all though was an ending that harked back to the early days of the show’s revival when episodes almost always left so little time for the climatic resolution, the whole thing collapsed into an incomprehensible muddle. Which is a shame because the sudden revelation of the upstairs interior had our fanboy synapses screaming with excitement, only to be crushed by yet another near-nonsensical love-conquers-all denouement.

There was much to like about ‘The Lodger’ and its domestic take on the Doctor, with some genuinely funny moments and a central conceit that delivered a welcome bit of feel-good fuzz. In terms of monster-of-the-week thrills though, it simply couldn’t deliver the much needed atmosphere and the whole thing threatened to unravel as it reached its poorly-delivered, undercooked conclusion. Still, with (yet another) cliff hanger epilogue to round the episode off, things are in motion for this series’ epic showdown. Now, let’s see if Moffat can tie all these lose ends up satisfactorily.

Popularity: 36% [?]

Season 4 of House, M.D. is nearing to a close. The basic formula of the show has stayed the same, but the main characters have changed. The show’s nucleus still includes Dr. Greg House (Hugh Laurie), administrator Dr. Lisa Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) and House’s best friend Dr. James Wilson (Robert Sean Leonard). But as the end of Season 3 promised, a plot shake-up has relegated House’s team (Drs. Foreman, Cameron and Chase) to the background.

What’s Happened So Far in Season 4

The season began with Dr. House on his own, but since he the doctor needs to bounce his ideas off others, he “deputized” a janitor and used him as his sounding board. Forced by Dr. Cuddy to hire a new team, Dr. House brought in forty potential fellowship candidates, most of whom he fired right away. From there it was down to ten, with fierce competition and mind games to play alongside diagnosing the mysterious illnesses. In true House fashion, candidates are not called by their names. Some started with numbers (and kept them in 13’s case), others were given coarsely honest nicknames (“Big Love” for the Mormon, “Cutthroat Bitch” for, well, the cutthroat bitch).

Sometimes the diseases, as well as House’s old team, seemed to take a backseat to the drama between the new candidates. The episodes were also spiced up by plot turns like: sending House off to the CIA and almost hiring an ex-CIA doctor and a documentary film being shot of a craniofacial surgery. All this, don’t forget, set against the brutal rush for the candidates to have great ideas, the answer, or at the very least, the gumption to show House just how far they’ll go for the position. The competition was so relentless that it almost jeopardized the health of the patient being treated, but it made for great entertainment.

Wanting the Old Team Back

While some may be miffed to see House’s old team no longer working beside him, it’s actually one of the best steps the show has taken. After all, the team positions are fellowships (originally slated to be a three-year position), so it’s both logical and creativity savvy for the show to move on. The original team are fantastic characters worthy of remaining on the show. Whether the new three will prove to be as interesting remains to be seen. Drs. Cameron and Chase are still working in different departments in the hospital and are often consulted for their opinions (mostly on House himself). Dr. Foreman, not surprisingly, was fired from a different department for being too much like House, a fear he seems to have come to terms with. He now works, at Dr. Cuddy’s request, with House and his team, with interesting results.

The Writer’s Strike and What’s To Come

Like nearly every show, House, M.D. will be having a truncated season due to the WGA’s strike. This season is slated to have 12 episodes. With nine having aired, only three remain, beginning with January 15th’s It’s a Wonderful Lie. In addition to suffering from the shortened seasons, many shows this fall have had a real feeling of rushed writing, no doubt in anticipation of the impending strike. House, M.D., on the other hand, really has the feeling of being thought through, whether or not the fans like the choices.

Popularity: 32% [?]

returns tonight in the eighth season premiere of one of the most influential shows of the ’00s, the often-brilliant “24”. At its best, FOX’s “24” is visceral

Jack may have tried to retire from life in the anti-terrorism game but, as someone says to Bauer in the first episode, “You’re the guy who always does the right thing.” That’s clearly the main charm and draw of the show and always has been. If our safety is on the line, we all want to think we have “the guy who always does the right thing” on our side. “24” opens with a calm, family-oriented Jack but he’s back in full form before the bottom of the first hour.

How does a show that has had as many explosive opening arcs as “24” top itself this late into its run? Wisely, the writers of “24” realize that this is not the goal. If every day was crazier and more over-the-top, Jack Bauer would be fighting terrorists on the moon by now. Instead of merely turning up the volume, the writers of “24” have created very individually contained seasons, much like each James stands as its own adventure. The influence of “24” is in the way the producers have never delivered something that looks “like TV”. With theatrical film quality production values and storytelling, each season of “24” has been practically like a feature film in serial form.

One of the more interesting aspects of “24,” and a way that the creators of the show have been able to keep it fresh, has always been the revolving door of the supporting cast with great performances from actors like Dennis Haysbert, Gregory Itzin, and Carlos Bernard in past seasons. Really, the only ensemble members guaranteed to stay the same are Sutherland and Mary Lynn Rajskub as Chloe. Another familiar face or two may pop up (Elisha Cuthbert guest stars in the premiere), but an influx of new stars always injects life into the start of a new season.

This year’s new faces include Mykelti Williamson (“Forrest Gump”) as the head of CTU New York and Katee Sackhoff (“Battlestar Galactica”) and Freddie Prinze Jr. (“Scooby Doo”) as CTU employees. Benito Martinez (“The Shield”) appears as an informant who sets the plot for the eighth very long day into motion. He arrives with intel about a potential assassination plan for a Middle Eastern leader who is on the verge of signing a peace agreement with the U.S. President (Cherry Jones). The quality in the new ensemble varies with Kapoor easily making the most initial impact while Prinze Jr. is still a bit unconvincing as a member of the CTU team. Sackhoff plays a woman with a mysterious past, but sometimes appears to be a bit of a distraction to the main plot, but one assumes she will play a bigger role as the season advances.

The level of detail in just the first hour of this season of “24” is nearly overwhelming. There are so many new faces this season with their own subplots – including a strident new advisor for the President, family problems for her foreign counterpart, and new work subplots among the characters at CTU – that one practically has to take notes to keep up. Action junkies may be turned off by the first hour, one that is ridiculously dense with new characters and conversation, but, of course, they need not wait long until Jack is dodging gunfire and returning his own. And you won’t have to wait until 5pm (this season starts at 4pm) to see something big go boom.

What’s most remarkable to this critic about the opening quartet of “24” is the screenwriting juggling act that this show maintains at its best. The season premiere introduces multiple characters and arcs and yet never feels overcrowded or rushed. “24” is still one of the most expertly paced programs in the history of television, always keeping the viewer entertained but not overwhelmed.

Overall, this is one of the best opening quartets in the legacy of “24”. As we’ve learned in the past, it can be tough to predict how a season of this show will progress. Some have opened strongly and sagged in the middle. Some have taken time to develop after limping out of the gate. But the opening of the eighth season feature such confident writing, interesting new characters, and perfect pacing that I’m personally amped for hour five of this day more than most seasons past. How many shows are even remotely near their peak in their eighth season much less arguably at it? “24” continues to defy expectations.

Popularity: 33% [?]

While Simon and Tyra get their share of attention, competitive reality shows are usually about the participants. As with everything else in his endlessly fascinating life, however, Hell’s Kitchen is all about Gordon Ramsay. So let’s take a walk on his wild side.

Ramsay was raised in a dysfunctional Scottish family. His father was an abusive drunk and PE teacher obsessed with seeing his children play professional football for his hometown club, the mighty Glasgow Rangers. While Gordon’s brother Ronnie ended up addicted to heroin, he proved a good enough footballer to sign for Rangers at the age of 17. Unfortunately, he suffered knee injuries, and was released by Rangers at the age of 19.

Who likes being told at 19 you’re not good enough? So I suppose when people say, “You’re so focused and driven now,” I could never afford to fail.
— Gordon Ramsay

When the Rangers offered to find him a place with a lower division side, his father said yes. But Ramsay said no. Instead, he took his mother’s advice and went to catering college. His father never forgave him and soon afterwards abandoned his family.

Following a couple of years at Marco Pierre White’s renowned South London restaurant, Harvey’s, Ramsay moved to Le Gavroche to work alongside the acclaimed Albert Roux. He then left London to spend three years continuing to learn in some of the best kitchens in France. In late 1993, at 26, he returned to the British capital to launch his own restaurant, Aubergine, winning two Michelin stars within three years of opening. However, after a serious falling out with his financial backers, he walked out and, three weeks later, opened a new restaurant entirely his own, in upmarket Chelsea. He called this venture Gordon Ramsay.

A year later, he opened a second, Pétrus, in the even more prestigious St. James’s district. Soon after came Amaryllis in Glasgow and a second Gordon Ramsay at Claridge’s Hotel in Mayfair. As he has built an empire with his company, Gordon Ramsay Holdings, and cultivated protégés such as Marcus Wareing and Angela Hartnett, it’s clear Ramsay has had his anal-retentive perfectionist nose into every little nook and cranny of each of his restaurants, including those in Dubai and Tokyo. Later this year, Ramsay plans to open restaurants in New York, Los Angeles, and Florida.

Along with his nine books and regular column for the Times Saturday Magazine, Ramsay has also conquered TV. After two British fly-on-the-wall documentaries that revealed him to be a bad-tempered, foul-mouthed genius in the kitchen, in 2004 he starred in two British television series. The first was Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, in which he attempted to save failing restaurants, each over a two-week period. The second was the original Hell’s Kitchen, a London-based reality show that saw him training celebrities to be chefs.

Fox’s Hell’s Kitchen retains the original’s format, but replaces the slebs with “real people”. Season One saw tattooed punk chef Michael Wray turn down his advertised prize of a “million dollar” restaurant in return for the opportunity to learn from Ramsay in London. Wray is now back is Los Angeles and planning to open a restaurant in Las Vegas, reportedly backed by Gordon Ramsay Holdings. Season Two of Hell’s Kitchen is a last chef standing competition where the prize is a position as executive chef — with a financial interest — at the new Red Rock Resort Spa and Casino in Las Vegas.

This time around, it’s girls against boys, six of each. The Blue Team initially included Tom, ex-stockbroker and graduate of New York’s French Culinary Institute, who sweats profusely into his cooking; Giacomo, whose family runs a pizza restaurant in Dallas and whose poodle-rock hair will surely have to go; and Garrett, who learned everything he knows about cooking in the kitchen of the prison where he served time for passing stolen checks. With five years served, Garrett is probably the most experienced competitor in Hell’s Kitchen. He’s also the only one with a thousand yard stare and a shiv in his back pocket. The Red Team included Rachel, a personal chef from Dallas, who looks tough enough to take out Garrett in her sleep; garde manger (salad chef) Veronica; and sous chef Heather, who actually appears to know how to cook.

Just as it sounds, Hell’s Kitchen is boot camp with saucepans. Each day begins with Sergeant Major Ramsay setting the teams a morning challenge, cutting 10oz. steaks, for example. The victors get prizes, like a helicopter ride and lunch with Gordon for the winners in the Great Steak Challenge of 2006. The losing team gets extra kitchen duties. In the evenings, they compete while serving obnoxious, camera-hungry “paying customers,” cast by Fox and paid to play.

During this season’s two-hour premiere, one customer who was lucky enough to get his food complained to Ramsay that his pumpkin risotto didn’t have enough pumpkin. The well-heeled equivalent of the comedy contestants on Americyawn Idol, this chinless wonder knew exactly what Ramsay’s reaction would be. Of course, the customer could have some more pumpkin. Whole. And shoved right up… well, you get the point. Ramsay also took aim at the contestants. When the kitchen fell behind, he declared the restaurant closed for the night. He also fired Polly, middle-aged mother of six, who had no professional cooking experience.

The second hour offered a couple of unscripted, value-add moments. First, there was the trouble with Larry. Having partied in a hot tub with the girls when all right-thinking chefs were already in bed, he was awake again at 4:20am, wheezing and tingling, and on the phone to 911. When the teams rose to shine, they were surprised to learn that Larry has disappeared. The girls were worried. The boys couldn’t give a damn. Larry called from the hospital, saying the stress of the competition was too much for him. Score one for Gordon Ramsay. On second thought, make that two, because after just one day in Hell’s Kitchen, the contestants were already so tired that Larry could get carted off to hospital without anyone else even waking up. Way to go, Gordo.

Ramsay is Simon Cowell on angel dust, and it’s funny to watch him lose it with lesser mortals. But he can also be kind: lunching with the girls after they won the steak-cutting competition, Ramsay was charm itself, and naturally so. He wants his contestants to thrive in the heat of Hell’s Kitchen, just like he did when he turned his back on a second-rate career in professional football and found his way into Marco Pierre White’s South London kitchen. Unlike Donald Trump, who is about as natural as his hair and as unsuccessful as any man with a billionaire father could be, Ramsay started with nothing and has reached the very top of his profession, fired only by his passion for cooking and his passion for success.

Alternately warm and foul, Ramsay is equally driven in private life: he recently completed his seventh consecutive London Marathon and aims to finish 10 in 10 years. And he is as unforgiving with high profile food critics as he is with the contestants on Hell’s Kitchen: he once kicked the Sunday Times‘ A.A. Gill out of his restaurant (along with his companion Joan Collins) because Gill had written a piece that focused on his football career and early life.

An accident during the season’s premiere exposed Ramsay’s softer side for all to see. When Heather burned herself badly, Ramsay leapt immediately into the breach, calming her down, preventing hyperventilation, keeping her hand in ice until she could be rushed to the emergency room. Before she left, Heather impressed Ramsay by taking the time to tell people she had extra quail in her oven and delegating her station. When she returned, Ramsay complimented her professionalism under… ahem… fire. He was less impressed with Garrett, who tried to play a strategic game when asked to select two candidates for firing. Ramsay rejected one of his selections straightaway, called out a third chef and fired him instead.

If you want to learn about cooking, you might give Hell’s Kitchen a miss. If you want to learn about the business of running a restaurant, you should probably check it out. But if you want to explore the complex character of one of the world’s most successful restaurateurs, then this show is essential viewing.

Popularity: 83% [?]

Kate Gosselin is back on TV and, for better or for worse, at least she’s not dancing anymore. Last night was the series premiere of Kate Plus 8, which really did play out as the title suggests — exactly like Jon & Kate Plus 8 minus Jon.

For the first few minutes of the pilot, you could feel the awkward tension surrounding the lack of Jon — his name wasn’t so much as uttered. It really felt like there was an 800-pound gorilla in the room, especially upon seeing the signs he put up around the house banning TLC from taping the children while Kate was oh-so-subtly doing a voice over saying how much her kids love the camera crew. Maybe that’s just the fault of the powers that be, but it was very obviously pointed at Jon being the bad guy. In any case, when you watch as the kids freak out in excitement over the camera crew coming back, and then as the crew people play with the kids, it’s hard to call Kate a liar, even though it’s also hard to tell if she herself likes the crew for the way they interact with her children or because they are the vehicular device for her celebrity. Either way, the taping of Kate Plus 8 at least looks like a joyous family reunion. And, for the record, I believe the whole bunch of them when they say they don’t like the paparazzi — so don’t worry, Kate, we don’t need to see you do another interpretive dance about them.

Back to the children, whom have always been the real draw of the show for me: They got so old! I like that the new intro theme is all about them, definitely an improvement from Jon & Kate Plus 8. I really just forgot how much I liked the kids, especially after being so wrapped up in Kate’s so-bad-it-was-amazing run on Dancing with the Stars. Even though their parents went through a very ugly, very public divorce, the children really do seem happy and back to their crazy Crooked House living, electronic-car riding lifestyles. As usual, Cara gets .5 seconds of screen time while Mady…well, let’s just say she’s currently going through her Terrible Nines.

As the episode title indicates, the first episode was all about the little kids’ “Sixth Birthday Surprise!” and Kate took them all on a big trip to swim with dolphins, which she considers a “rite of passage”– whatever. Six minutes in, Kate finally used Jon’s name as she tells us that her ex had the kids on their actual day of birth. She calmly stated that it worked out pretty well, but not without casually slipping in that the children came back chewing gum, and if you recall from a Jon & Kate Plus 8 episode, Kate freaking hates it when the kids have gum because they manage to get it in their socks/carpet/teddy bears. And it was a refreshing little jab, if I do say so myself.

The rest of the episode was typical to the Jon & Kate Plus 8 format, with the kids being adorable and doing cool things while Kate flips out — though this time around, she’s attributing her rage to low blood sugar. As I mentioned before, things really weren’t too different without Jon; Kate seems a little lonely, yes, but she always seemed sort of sad behind the eyes, and I definitely prefer her talking straight-up about divorce and being a single mom over passive-aggressively emasculating a silent, pissed-off Jon. Also, Jon sucks, so it was just generally better that he wasn’t there.

Next up was “Inside Kate’s World,” a planet where I regret spending an hour. I was expecting the episode to be a little bit informative or, at the very least, entertaining, but after watching the first 15 minutes of Today Show co-host Meredith Vieira, an editor of People magazine, and an Inside Edition reporter talk about Kate’s hair extensions and then subsequently seeing Kate get the extensions, I realized that this was going to suck. It was more of the same for the next 45 minutes, with Kate talking about her very predictable reactions to all of the things that we read about months ago in gossip blogs. The Dancing with the Stars scenes were the biggest draws, and even they were painfully boring. The only highlight of the hour was when Kate compared herself to Angelina Jolie, which was just begging for backlash.

This sort of “insider” episode seems totally fruitless, because I think that Kate’s been a reality TV celebrity long enough for people to have decided already if they love her or hate her (which, according to TLC, are the only two possible opinions a person can have about Ms. Gosselin). This episode was clearly just an opportunity for the network to squeeze as much footage as they could out of the no-doubt thousands of hours they’ve taped of the Gosselin clan over the past few months. If there’s one thing I learned from the two hour season premiere, it’s there are actually people who genuinely love Kate and think she’s a great mother/humanoid. While I think those people are the true crazies, maybe I’m no better, because I’ll be joining them in watching Kate Plus 8 this summer.

Popularity: 82% [?]