TeleChimp

While last week’s season premiere of PSYCH was a bit underwhelming and complicated with too many new characters running around, this week’s episode was brilliant in its simplicity. In order to solve the murder of a young woman who drowned when her car sank to the bottom of a lake, the regular investigative teams of Shawn and Gus and Detectives Lassiter and O’Hara got switched up. Lassiter took Gus as a partner, due to his pharmaceutical knowledge and tap dancing ability (more on that later), while O’Hara was stuck with Shawn. What followed was an hour of jealousy, competition and tons of jokes between the two teams, further proving that PSYCH doesn’t need a complicated mystery in order to deliver an excellent episode.

My favorite part about this episode was the idea: the pairing of Lassiter and Gus never even crossed my mind, but it was great concept if only for one episode. Little in-jokes like Lassiter allowing Gus to interject his thoughts on the case or introducing him by his actual name instead of a nickname were a nice play on PSYCH’s long-running bits. It was also nice to see long-time partners Shawn and Gus engage in some friendly competition, and if the murder got solved than all the better. By focusing on the main characters and limiting the suspects, there was more opportunity to pack the episode with jokes. Last week’s episode got too caught up in suspects and their possible motives and that cut down on the comedy. Frankly, I didn’t care who committed the murder in this episode because I was too busy laughing at Shawn, Gus and the utter delight on Lassiter’s face as he learned to tap dance.

The origin of the Lassie/Gus team-up was a little thin, but given the tone of this show, perfectly acceptable: on the advice of his therapist, Lassiter was told to get out of his comfort zone. Knowing that Gus attended a tap dancing class, he begrudgingly asked to join. Tap dancing had an immediate positive effect on Lassiter – it gave him clarity and allowed him to see the case in a way he couldn’t before. Breaking away to do a little meditative tap dancing became a running gag throughout the episode, ending with a hilarious revelation in the show’s final minute. Detective Lassiter’s epiphany about the identity of the “West-side Rapist” might seem ho-hum on a regular cop show, but when the discovery occurs on-stage, next to children wearing fedoras and tap shoes, it’s a perfect way to tie up the episode.

Of course, we knew the pairing of Lassiter and Gus wouldn’t last long. While Lassie was following protocol, Gus was followed his gut and investigating the murder on his own. Not surprisingly, Shawn was doing the same thing – splitting from O’Hara and following his instincts. The PSYCH detectives discovered that they both thought the main suspect was innocent but used different clues to come to the same conclusion. They also discovered that they’d much rather eat, rest, and make jokes than file paperwork or follow proper police procedure. In the end, it’s just as well. It was fun while it lasted, and we got some funny scenes of Gus and Lassiter tapping side-by-side and Shawn driving O’Hara crazy, but we all know the PSYCH detectives belong together.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Has PSYCH reached Season 5 already? Wow. Not that I’m complaining, it’s just that time flies when Shawn and Gus are having fun. After having their way with so many classic movie genres (horror, adventure, Western, etc.) over the course of the series, PSYCH finally got to check another notable one off their list in this season premiere: the martial arts film. In addition, we picked back up from where we left off last season: with Shawn’s father Henry taking a job with the Santa Barbara Police Department and Juliet recovering from her harrowing near-death experience at the hands of still-at-large serial killer Mr. Yin. Like many of PSYCH’s season premieres, this one was about average. I was hoping for a bit more of an interesting mystery, but as usual, the performances by James Roday and Dule Hill made up for the overly familiar story.

The plot (as they alluded to on many occasions) was Romeo and Juliet or West Side Story with an Asian twist. The children of rival Triad gang leaders fell in love and had to hide their relationship, or else a full-scale war between the gangs would break out. Their tryst was discovered by the evil brother of one of the lovers, which led to betrayal, kidnapping, scheming and a couple of fight scenes.

As far as original stories go, this wasn’t one of PSYCH’s strongest, and things got a bit muddled in the middle of the episode. It was difficult to figure out who was part of which Triad family, especially when everyone was wearing ninja outfits. However, it did lead to Shawn taking a children’s martial arts class and getting his overinflated ego kicked a few times, which was highly entertaining.

- USA

The boys are back

Normally I would have a problem with PSYCH settling for an uninspired villain such as the Triads, simply because they’re the villains in EVERY movie featuring Asian actors. Hell, I’m pretty sure they were the villains in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. But fortunately, they played up this cliche by introducing a new character, Ken, who was Shawn and Gus’ recently fired secretary, who also happened to be Asian. Poor Ken became their de facto “in” into the world of Asian gangs, even though he barely spoke Chinese and knew nothing about the Triads. I loved that he called them on their stereotypical behavior and I loved Shawn and Gus’ serious backpedalling as a result.

Speaking of stereotyping and racism, by far the best scene of the episode was Gus’ take-down of the lowly worker at the martial arts studio, (which also happened to be the secret hideout of one of the gangs.) Normally Shawn gets the big speech with funny references and over-dramatic hand gestures, but this time out, they gave it to Gus, who did not disappoint. His tirade against the racist, ageist and exclusionary practices of the dojo (which really weren’t any of these things) was a great way to give Dule Hill the spotlight while also moving along the investigation. I really hope Gus asserts himself more this season, not only because he’s a great character, but because his style as a detective is a different type of controlled chaos than Shawn’s. A little bit smoother perhaps.

As for the other developments in the episode, I understand they needed to do something with Shawn’s dad, but putting him back on the force was unnecessary. And on top of that, putting him in charge of police consultants (i.e. Shawn and Gus) doesn’t feel organic. It reminds me a little of the talent show episode of The Brady Bunch where the only participants in the entire school were the Brady kids and their parents. No one else had talent? By the same token, no one else could do Henry’s job? Why do the characters all need to work in the same place? Shawn already has a foil at the police station in Detective Lassiter, so why add another? I liked Henry’s perspective as an outsider. I liked that he was a fresh pair of eyes. Now there’s just more conflict for the sake of adding conflict, and there was plenty of that on the show already.

I did appreciate how they didn’t gloss over Juliet’s traumatic experience in last season’s finale and that she had to take some time off from the SBPD. I also liked how Shawn helped her get back in the saddle by being his charmingly persistent and annoying self. Once again, we’re back to square one with these two, but I’m not going to worry about it this season. They’ve strung us along for five seasons, so if something happens, so be it. As for the episode in general, it was okay, but PSYCH is capable of much more. I’m looking forward to another strong season of notable cameos, funny pop culture references and Shawn and Gus solving crimes by any means necessary.

Popularity: 22% [?]

Advance Review: In USA Network’s newest original series, Covert Affairs, Piper Perabo plays Annie Walker, a fresh-faced CIA recruit who is suspiciously fast-tracked to full agent after only a few days of training. Annie believes her knowledge, good looks, high test scores and mastery of 6 languages got her the gig. Of course, when it comes to the CIA, nothing is what it seems. During the episode, we find out more about why her bosses are so interested in Annie, and what that means for her future. The series has promise, but it’s still missing a few key elements that make USA’s other original shows so appealing.

Covert Affairs has all the DNA of a USA Network original program. It’s a one-hour action show centered around a particularly stressful line of work, and there’s the requisite supporting cast made up of family and co-workers. And fitting the mold of other USA shows, each episode concerns a specific case or mission, while a season-long arc runs concurrently.

My biggest issue with Covert Affairs, particularly because it’s so linked to the other USA Network original programs, is that it lacks the same light-hearted tone and well-drawn characters as those shows. I’m not saying it needs to generate laughs like a sitcom, but even a show as violent and suspenseful as Burn Notice always manages to give the audience a wink once in a while. There’s a certain devilish charm that characters like Shawn Spencer, Michael Westen and Neal Caffrey possessed on their first episodes, but Annie Walker doesn’t have that yet.

In addition, everyone on Covert Affairs is played way too straight. Even a staple of comic relief, the “tech guy”, Auggie (played by Christopher Gorham from Ugly Betty), isn’t as witty as he needs to be. There’s a ton of other good actors on the series (most notably Peter Gallagher from The O.C. and Anne Dudek from House), but they don’t do much besides standing around looking serious. It’s a shame, because USA Network is synonymous with the “Characters Welcome” mantra and so far, I don’t feel connected to any of them.

On the bright side, this series is from Doug Liman, director of The Bourne Identity, which means there are some cool action scenes and a nice car chase. Hopefully as Annie gains more experience, her missions will become more and more complicated. Although they certainly gave her a baptism by fire on her first one, which, predictably, didn’t go smoothly.

I really wanted to like this show more than I did, possibly because I think the first season Alias is one of the best seasons of television ever and I long for another show about a female agent going on missions and kicking ass. Covert Affairs isn’t as complicated as Alias, nor does it have the sci-fi/fantasy element that show had, but it does have promise and Annie Walker could be a nice addition to USA’s stable. They just need to let her (and the rest of the cast) have more fun and loosen things up a bit.

Popularity: 25% [?]

Advance Review: Syfy is looking to step up its original programming this summer with Haven, an ambitious new supernatural drama that is certainly a worth a look as far as summer series go, but ultimately fails to distinguish itself as an engrossing thriller.

The premise involves Audrey Parker (Emily Rose), an FBI agent assigned to investigate the disappearance of an ex-con. This leads her to Haven, a small picturesque community on the coastline of Maine. Agent Parker soon discovers however that a few of the locals have some supernatural abilities that they don’t teach at the academy.

The show is touted as being based on the Stephen King story The Colorado Kid, a 2005 hard-boiled mystery novella, but an “inspired by” banner would have been more appropriate. Other than the small town setting and female lead, the creators daringly draw more from King’s paranormal works than the detective novel. The result is a show that may pique the interest of Twin Peaks, X-Files and Heroes fans, but doesn’t display any potential to live up to those series.

The cast assembled for Haven includes no household names, but avid TV watchers will recognize a few familiar faces. Emily Rose has a few episodes of ER and Brothers and Sisters under her belt while Eric Balfour has appeared on 24 numerous times as Milo Pressman. This is the first time that most of the leads have been asked to carry a show. Fortunately, they seem comfortable doing so.

Rose is refreshing as female FBI heroine Audrey, who brushes off any notions of obnoxiousness or incompetence. Lucas Bryant (Queer as Folk) is likeable enough as local cop Nathan Wournos and Balfour is perfectly suited for the role of a smooth talking small time smuggler. Believe it or not, Haven has some humor blended in, and the witty dialogue is actually the most memorable aspect of the pilot.

Perhaps the show’s biggest misfire is the failure to make the seaside town of Haven a mysterious enough locale to warrant naming the show after it. Interesting visuals, enigmatic locals, and just an overall sense of eeriness are strangely absent. Other than some unfavorable weather patterns, Haven seems more suited for a bed and breakfast weekend than the setting of a Stephen King adaptation.

Writing/producing team Sam Ernst and Jim Dunn (The Dead Zone) have pegged their project as a standalone show in which a viewer can tune in to any episode and enjoy the case that week. Watching the pilot however, it is evident that the series is more suited for some heavy mythology. The community of Haven holds a secret, and watching Parker put together the mystery of the town piece by piece will make for a far more entertaining season than formulating each episode to be accessible to first time viewers. Perhaps the writers will try to do both, but a show of this kind just seems naturally suited for serialization.

Don’t expect to see anything in Haven that you haven’t seen before, but it is still worth a try given the limited options the summer season provides. Just consider yourself warned that that the chill factor on this King tale is somewhat mild.

Popularity: 26% [?]

I really enjoyed the ending of “Neighborhood Watch” – both as it related to Michael’s cat and mouse game with the lethally lovely Kendra (Numb3rs‘ Navi Rawat) and the gang’s ultimate handling of the Brett Ratner-esque drug dealer, Cutler (Entourage’s Rhys Coiro), but man, it was a total pain in the ass getting there. Michael had to fight tooth and nail against his client, David (The Shield’s Benito Martinez), and his mom AND Fiona – who kept busting his chops for fake-flirting with Kendra over the phone.

Madeline asked Michael for his help and then she, the rest of the gang and the ungrateful client himself his proceed to second guess Michael at every turn regarding how he’s freaking putting his life on hold to help them deal with violent drug dealers. For free, mind you. You can’t chastise a good Samaritan for how they samartian-ize! Madeline even makes the trip to the loft to yell at Michael once again. It seems to be her thing now. She even hears Michael, on the phone, trying to run a con on the dealer, and rolls her eyes and leaves – blowing a puff of smoke on Michael on the way out. Jesus. If I were Michael I’d run off into the sunset with Kendra and leave the rest of this mess behind him. The worst/best part of this whole thing was that it was Madeline, in the end, who gave Michael advice on how to deal with Cutler. It was brilliantly stupid advice, but the plan worked because, well, it’s Burn Notice and the team can pull off top impossible missions.

Speaking of Kendra. Reowrrr! Am I right? Listen. I’ve never been a huge fan of Fi. There have been moments when she and her sniper rifle have made for good TV (like when she took out Carla – and the hand-shot at end of this episode), but she’s always seemed like more trouble than she’s worth. Her getting jealous over Michael’s innocent phone-repartee with the assassin-babe Kendra just seemed like it was one more unnecessary needle digging in Michael’s neck. I’m throwing it out there right now. Michael and Kendra, sitting in a tree, B-L-A-C-K-O-P! He needs to trade up.

Aside from the occasional bickering, it seems like they’ve run out of things for Jesse to do until he eventually has his “you’re the one who burned me” showdown with Michael. Right now, he’s just been regulated to the guy who also does stuff on the team. The endgame, with the team working together to portray David, the pacifist, as a “you’ve awoken a dormant killer” Clint Eastwood-style mercenary was pretty awesome though. It reminded me of the con the gang ran back in “Friendly Fire” when Michael pretended to be Satan. The briefcase/blade fight at the end between Michael and Kendra was really good too. I’d like to see Michael get into more good, old-fashioned fights.

Oh, and the frosty-haired Sugar was back this episode for no reason. He wound up being a tiny bit of use in the end, but ultimately he showed up only to reveal that he would be of no use whatsoever. Sam was rad of course, taking a slew of punches on purpose so Sugar could escape the strip joint. It’s funny – Sugar’s always painted as being annoying (Sam can barely stand being in the same room with him) and yet he seems like the least annoying element of Michael’s life when you consider that he has to get hen-pecked by Fiona, Madeline and Jesse on a consistent basis.

Popularity: 17% [?]

Several years after its final episode aired, people are still discovering The Wire, a dense, suspenseful and multi-layered crime drama that, thanks to brilliant writing and acting, now stands as one of the best series ever to make it to television. Those of us who became fans could hardly contain our excitement when we heard that its creator, David Simon, would be back at HBO with a series revolving around survivors of Hurricane Katrina that was set and shot in and around New Orleans. We didn’t know what to expect, exactly, but we knew we had high hopes.

For the most part Simon and company delivered, bringing back the strong writing, the subtle, nuanced acting, and the regional setting with meticulous attention to detail that this creative team is known for. The first season of Treme was the kind of television you eventually relax and sink into, enjoying it the way you might enjoy a live concert featuring a line-up of bands you don’t recognize but playing in a genre you love. Rather than waiting for big payoffs or shocking plot twists, we realized that the point was to enjoy the product as a whole. Was it as great as the first season of The Wire? No, it wasn’t. For better or worse, Treme is a study in authenticity and not in high drama.

What struck us immediately when the season first started was how determined Simon and his partner Eric Overmyer were to bring the audience into an unfamiliar universe and make us a part of it. The first couple of episodes were a whirlwind of characters and situations, forcing us to struggle and pay close attention just to figure out what was going on. (Or, on some cases, to head to the internet in search of a plot synopsis.) Antoine (Wendell Pierce) is married to LaDonna (Khandi Alexander), who’s friends with Toni (Melissa Leo), who’s married to Creighton (John Goodman), who hires Davis (Steve Zahn), who dates Janette (Kim Dickens) but has a flirtation with Annie, who’s sleeping with Sonny…

Luckily every musical number provided us with a much-needed break, and it became clear that music wasn’t just going to be a backdrop to the action — it was an integral part of the show. And wow, what a part. The music of Treme was unbelievable, spanning multiple genres and styles and talent levels. We got full orchestras, small brass bands playing in airports, and impromptu duets on the street. We got everything from Davis machine-gunning spoken-word in a neighborhood restaurant, to local legends blowing us away with solo performances, to zydeco bands rocking a packed theater. It’s impossible to name the best numbers because every episode featured at least five or six different musical performances, nearly every one of them performed live rather than shoehorned into a montage or tootling inoffensively in the background. Most of us didn’t recognize names like Coco Robicheaux, John Boutte or Kermit Ruffins before Treme, but we sure know them now.

As the season continued we waited for the storylines to coalesce, to bring the massive cast together around a few big, unifying conflicts. It didn’t happen, and it didn’t happen, and about halfway through the season it finally became clear that it was not going to happen. I think this was a turning point for viewers, some of whom lost interest in the show. Those who stuck around saw some storylines lead to a natural conclusion, while many others were left open-ended to explore in future seasons.

Some of those storylines worked better than others. We were perpetually fascinated by Antoine’s struggle to get back on his feet — he remained a sympathetic character even while he cheerfully cheated on his girlfriend and drank himself into one bad situation after another. Janette’s struggle to keep her restaurant going, Davis and his stoic gay neighbors gradually winning each other over, and most of all, Cray’s slow descent into depression and the tragic outcome that capped off the season — these all stole our attention every time the narrative jumped to one of their stories.

I say “stole our attention” because, frankly, not all the storylines were as strong as these, and all too often the weak stories took valuable time away from the strong. The story of the Guardians of the Flame felt half-explored. The show avoided the central question: who are these guys, what’s their story and their history? The narration that Creighton so often provided, through classroom lectures or YouTube viral videos, didn’t reach to this far corner of the show’s universe, and since Big Chief Lambreaux (Clarke Peters) rarely crossed paths with any of the other regular characters, it often felt like just one more unnecessary plot arc in a show already packed full of them.

Sonny and Annie were another pair whose story, ultimately, just became less engaging as time went on. Early in the season, the show hinted that perhaps Sonny wasn’t who he said he was — he seemed mysterious and untrustworthy, capable of doing something truly terrible. We wondered if maybe his story about rescuing survivors in the days after the hurricane was a lie, hiding a much darker past. Ultimately, though, Sonny turned out to be your garden variety loser drug addict whose greatest power seemed to be keeping Annie interested in him long after we’d already decided we didn’t care. Lucia Micarelli might have been an unknown quantity, cast primarily for her skill as a violinist, but ultimately Annie wasn’t the weaker of the two characters.

One could make the argument that it is the mundane, everyday aspect of the characters of Treme that is both its best and its worst quality. The show was so authentic that it was easy to forget we were watching actors reading a script, but it also mirrored real life so faithfully in its structure that we didn’t feel like if we missed an episode, we might miss some shocking plot development. In other words, it never made the jump from good show to mustn’t miss, appointment television. Nevertheless, every single episode was strong and enjoyable in its own way, and we’ll be looking forward to next season.

Popularity: 23% [?]

Um. Hi there. How are you? Yeah, we should probably discuss what we all just saw. Everything’s going to be okay.

I mean, who hasn’t had angry rage-filled sex with their own arch enemy? And if you’re pounding away on them and you, you know, don’t exactly want them looking at you then… it’s academic, right? Natural even.

By the way, if you didn’t get the chance to read True Blood Stars Spill Their Guts!, then check it out. I got a chance to speak with Mariana Klaveno, the lovely actress who plays Lorena, at the True Blood red carpet premiere a few weeks ago and I specfically asked her about the… Well, we’ll just call it the scene. Yes, it’s true. We had a chance to see this episode before the rest of y’all and we’ve been simply dying for you guys to catch up! It’s been rough. My own fun story regarding “It Hurts Me Too” involves IGN Features Editor Phil Pirrello, the TV at my desk and me saying “Hey, Phil, come here and watch this.” Eye-trauma ensued as poor Phil, who pretty much hates the show to begin with, had to watch the scene cold; with no context. Hell, even with context, watching undead corkscrew sex is enough to make anyone do a “spit take” of the soul. “Damn you, Fowler,” he said intermittently throughout the rest of the day.

In “It Hurt Me Too,” we finally saw Sookie head out on an actual search for Bill, accompanied by the towering Eric-surrogate, Alcide the werewolf (Joe Manganiello). Alcide is a hulking, seemingly-gentle giant, who sort of fits this show’s bill at what a bad boy is supposed to be. Both he and Eric (and this is nothing against the performances of Alexander Skarsgard and Manganiello really) are mostly soft-spoken and tame in demeanor even though they’re supposed to represent, for all intents and purposes, Bill’s competition. They both dangerously border on *gasp* being bland. While Bill, who one might think, as the “nice vamp,” would be the bland one is the one who seems to be showing the most rage and passion these days. I mean, hell, we just saw him turn Lorena into a Pez Dispenser. Considering how bereft I thought Bill was back in Season 1, I never thought he’d wind up being the most brutally animated of the bunch. Alcide was fine, but his misadventures with Sookie in the werewolf bar, Lou Pines (har har), wound up making me want to meet his ex, Debbie, more than follow him on his adventures with Sookie.

It’s unclear at this point whether Bill really believes in his actions at the end of the episode, or if he’s taking it upon himself to go undercover (deeep undercover!) to work with Russell to see what The King’s grand scheme is. Bill’s heart-wrenching flashbacks were great – as they usually are – and it just might be true that Bill has now taken Lorena’s message to heart: That “the only way to show your love for a human is to stay away.

Forever.” We shall see. Even if Bill is “hereby renouncing his fealty for the Kingdom of Louisiana” as a ruse to try and thwart whatever devious plan Russell has up his sleeve, we can be damn sure that Sookie will NOT be happy about it. Or be happy with Bill’s desperate “punish f***” with Lorena. Bill’s now operating under the luxury of not knowing how determined Sookie is to find him. Meanwhile, Dennis O’Hare’s King Russell continues to delight. “In Mississippi, our appetite for unprovoked violence is nil,” he practically yawns at Bill.

The werewolf that Eric and Sookie wound up killing at the beginning of the episode seemed like a bit more of a threat than what we’ve encountered so far. Eric seems to be pretty worried about them so that’s a good sign that we might wind up seeing them as a threat as well. “I’ve got your rug all wet,” Eric says to Sookie, blood dripping from his chin, as we discover that the “Operation Werewolf” gang are a new group of wolves making trouble in the area. V seems to give these wolves an extra dose of wolf-iness that makes them more of a challenge, but I’m still waiting for them to seem as big of a threat as, hell, even those Fellowship of the Sun idiots back in Season 2. Eric winds up placing Sookie with Alcide and then he, kind of, checks out of the story. Will he wind up circling back into Sookie’s storyline or will he be off on his own adventures for the rest of the season?

Tara received her first taste of heightened vampire eroticism. I’m interested to see where her story with Franklin winds up going. Not interested in her, mind, you. It’s mostly him. After two episodes, he’s already more appealing than Eggs and Maryanne. I particularly liked his scene with Jessica where she, once again, didn’t know a crucial “vampire rule.” Franklin seems like he might be a “fixer.” “I find things,” is all he really offers up. Franklin describes Jessica as annoying, which is what we all thought of her back at the outset. But she’s now become funny and sweet, and the more I watch her fumble, the more I realize how neglectful Bill has been as her maker.

I’m afraid we’re going to have to put up with Jason’s lame meanderings for a little bit longer. I liked his soft scene with Tara at Merlotte’s, but his whole bone-headed notion about becoming a cop was dumb. Most what he’s doing right now just isn’t working. Especially when we, as viewers, could totally get behind a life-decision like that. But then he goes and refuses to study for the cop exam. So it’s not really a newer, focused and re-dedicated Jason, which is what we’d all love to see. He’s also still seeing those bullet holes in people’s foreheads, which continues to be overtly goofy. I did appreciated Sheriff Dearborn’s decision to say “eff this” and quit however. could this pave the way for Sheriff Bellefleur and Deputy Stackhouse?

Sam’s earnest quest to discover his birth-kin seems to have wound up biting him in the ass a bit. I won’t go so far as to say that this should serve as a warning to anyone trying to find their real parents, but maybe stay away from the kind that sit around drinking Old Milwaukee in their tighty-whities when you’ve got a successful business that they might want in on. Eggs’ lonely funeral made for a solid scene, even if I never cared about his character. It was nice that they, once again, showed us how he really had no one in his life.

The highlight of this episode were Bill’s flashbacks and the pox-ridden tragedy that befell his young children. I think we all just assumed — after he watched Carolyn and his kids through the window in the flashback scene back in “Sparks Fly Out” — that Bill never returned home. The story was well-told and it just might have been there to help us viewers believe that Bill bought into Russell and Lorena’s advice about leaving the human world behind. Then again, Bill only boner-pounced on Lorena when she told him that she didn’t buy his act. So it really did seem like he did it as a way to convince her of his, ahem, dedication to the cause.

Popularity: 43% [?]

Look, I don’t want to be difficult here, but at no point in the newKarate Kid does anyone learn karate. It’s kung fu. The characters call it kung fu. The film is set in China, which is where kung fu is practiced. Except for a brief instance of the kid watching some karate instruction on television, The Karate Kid contains no karate whatsoever.

I don’t ask for a lot in life. The idea of remaking a beloved film doesn’t offend me. I’m not one of those geeks who insist that remakes somehow retroactively destroy the originals. But if you’re going to remake The Karate Kid, it had DAMN WELL BETTER HAVE KARATE IN IT.

You would think this would be non-negotiable. You would think that if the screenplay replaced karate with kung fu, someone would say, “Oh, we’d better change the title to The Kung Fu Kid.” And everyone would say, “Right, right, obviously.” There wouldn’t even be a discussion.

Yet somehow it went like this:

FIRST STUDIO EXECUTIVE: It’s a remake of The Karate Kid, but instead of a high school student learning karate from an old Japanese man in Southern California, it’s a 12-year-old boy learning kung fu from an old Chinese man in Beijing!

SECOND STUDIO EXECUTIVE: Brilliant! What’s it called?

FIRST STUDIO EXECUTIVE: The Karate Kid!

SECOND STUDIO EXECUTIVE: I see no flaws in this!

(Remove clothes; roll around naked in money; end scene.)

Apart from THAT, it’s a pretty faithful remake of the 1984 favorite. The original writer, Robert Mark Kamen, gets story credit, and the screenplay (by newcomer Christopher Murphey) hits most of the same plot points and even approximates some of the dialogue. I guess if they’d called it The Kung Fu Kid, people would have thought it was a rip-off of The Karate Kid, rather than an authorized remake of it. Plus there’s the name recognition. People are predisposed to liking a movie called The Karate Kid. The fact that it DOESN’T HAVE ANY KARATE IN IT is beside the point.

Sorry. I’m trying to hold it together. Never mind the backstory. Let’s pretend you never heard of the original Karate Kid and went into this one cold. How is the movie itself? Eh, fine. Its greatest asset is Jaden Smith, son of Will Smith, who seems to have inherited his dad’s effortless charm and likability. He plays Dre Parker, a 12-year-old Detroit boy who’s uprooted when his mother (Taraji P. Henson) is transferred by her company to Beijing. Dre is soon set upon by a bully his age, Cheng (Zhenwei Wang), whose kung fu instructor preaches the “no mercy” method of fighting. Moving to another country is bad enough. Now he has to get beaten up by a jerk whose language he doesn’t even speak?

Along comes Mr. Han (Jackie Chan), the maintenance man at Dre’s apartment building. He is reclusive and taciturn and not at all Jackie Chan-like. He knows kung fu, though, and he offers to train Dre so that he can face off against Cheng in an official venue, a junior tournament being held some weeks hence.

There are no surprises from that point forward if you’ve seen the original Karate Kid, and probably even if you haven’t. Dre learns lessons about life and kung fu, bonds with Mr. Han (no mention is ever made of Dre’s absent father), and we all go home happy, if not exactly overwhelmed.

The film, directed by Harald Zwart (The Pink Panther 2, Agent Cody Banks), was shot in China and makes some genuine effort to make the location part of the story, rather than just a Generic Exotic Backdrop. Most of the Chinese characters speak Mandarin, not English, adding to Dre’s sense of alienation. Meiying (Wenwen Han), a sweet girl Dre’s age, is driven by her austere parents to practice the violin constantly, suggesting the high expectations placed upon modern Chinese youth.

The only real problem with the film, other than its utter lack of karate, is its length: almost two and a half hours! Meiying, pleasant though she is, adds nothing to the main story, and a scene explaining Mr. Han’s tragic past is maudlin and unconvincing. All of that should have been cut, and the whole movie tightened up, to prevent the rambling, lackadaisical tone it wound up with. If you must remake The Karate Kid and if you must do it without including any karate, the least you can do is get us in and out of there in two hours.

Popularity: 46% [?]

I’ll say it. Season 2 was better than Season 3. That’s not a condemnation of Season 3, ’cause it’s all good. Pizza and ice cream. Apples and oranges. Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.

Season 2 had a common thread from beginning to end with lots of dry humor. The story was airtight — was their anything that stood out or took you out of the immersion of Season 2? — and it dropped a lot of jaws without the physical impact. No one was murdered (OK, maybe a few people were murdered) and the only major repercussions for the main were metaphorical and indirect. Well that was corrected in Season 3.

Season 3 lost a little air-tightness. The writers didn’t take the time needed for its Lincoln Log-style character development, though I don’t know if they could have even done it within the 13 episodes. Skyler found out in the very first episode of Season 3 that Walt was in meth (“you’re a drug dealer”), and on very little evidence. She then left him, took the kids, asked for a divorce, slept with her boss, ditched her creepy stalking boss, decided to play it single and then wanted in on the meth trade while still fended off Walt from his “I’m a family man” trip — all in roughly 11 episodes. So yes, Skyler’s development was rushed and inorganic. It’s not like there was a reasonable resolution to her finding out Walt’s big secret that wouldn’t have had her cut altogether from the show. Either (a) she leaves Walt forever and takes Walt Jr. with her, (b) she reports Walt to the police, or (c) she gradually accepts that this is Walt’s life and comes back into the fold. The latter two require Anna Gunn to never appear in the series again and for Walt to have nothing to live for.

Jesse, likewise, suffered from not knowing who or what he is/was. He went from rehab to buying his parents house to the hospital to turning back into the bitch and yo dude we knew from Season 1 to ruining Walt’s good life again to the drug addict to the actual bad guy he had been telling himself he was all season long.

I think Season 2 put Season 3 in this position. The writing team does what Creator Vince Gilligan describes as improvisational jazz-style writing, where they have an idea of what they want to do, and an idea of the characters, but let the story unfold in front of them—let the characters decide where their actions will take them. I love that, but sometimes playing jazz with characters can lead to a dead end and it did just that at the end of Season 2. Hopefully the end of Season 3 didn’t put Season 4 in the same position.

What Breaking Bad lost from Season 1 and 2 to Season 3, though, it gained in dexterity, action and some serious “holy f**k” moments. Sure, Skyler’s development was rushed, but would you rather have a paced development or the final minute in “One Minute?” BB, like any good powder keg, exploded this year, and the writers spread those moments out evenly like butter on bread. “One Minute” and “Half Measures” were neither at the beginning nor at the very end. Nobody told us when those moments were coming, they weren’t advertised as the episodes they were.

And we loved it. We didn’t see either of those scenes coming. I mean, didn’t it seem like the cousins were going to be out in ABQ until they resolved their mess with Walt? It hit us so suddenly that we didn’t even have time to think about who was more likely to die in that situation, the cousins or Hank. Yeah, we were given a warning by Gus that the cousins were going after Hank, but after we saw mostly planning from the cousins throughout the episode, did anyone think they were going to do it then?

Damn that action was amazing. Every second of it. I don’t think I need to say any more about the crash in “Half Measures” than what IGN TV Editor Matt Fowler said about it: he was watching it alone at his desk. When “it” happened at the end, he cried out “Holy s**t!” in the office.

Those moments were tempered with some great scenes that defined relationships between characters. Later, we see one of the cousins crawling toward Walt like he wants to kill him. It’s the first time Walt has seen either of the cousins and the first time Walt understands they were there to kill him. Another scene: Walt and Skyler are talking about when Walt can come over to have dinner with the family and they hilariously bargain like everything is on the line. Their relationship is still on rocky ground, but resolutions are sought.

Popularity: 50% [?]

Advance Review: Seven years after being cancelled by Fox, Futurama makes a return to broadcast television this Thursday night. Well, seven years and four straight-to-DVD movies. When you have a show as smart and hilarious as Futurama, it’s difficult to keep it down. I cursed the day the series was cancelled and was thrilled to learn Comedy Central would be bring the show back. But will it be worth it? After watching the first of two new episodes, the answer is “maybe.”

A good series in its original run usually has a decent, propelling momentum going. It may take a little time, but that series will eventually find its groove and its unique voice and really start producing its best episodes. Futurama had found that groove and was seemingly at the top of its game when Fox gave it the boot. It’s those episodes that fans have watched and loved over and over again on Adult Swim and Comedy Central. The four movies were an extension of the series, but aren’t as revered as those original episodes. I found them to be hit and miss, enjoying them as a visit with old friends that never quite lives up to the good times we once had. So Futurama no longer had that momentum. Trying to reclaim it or restart it may be a fruitless effort, but we fans can’t help but hope the return of Futurama might actually mean the return of Futurama.

As the first of the new episodes to air on Comedy Central, “Rebirth” has the difficult responsibility of picking up where the DVD movies left off, while still reestablishing itself as a weekly series. And the episode does follow the ending of Into the Wild Green Yonder. Throughout the episode, but especially at the beginning, there are plenty of self-referential jokes about the series returning. There’s a fantastic exchange early on between the crew of the Planet Express ship that ends with Amy delivering one the funniest, perfectly-timed lines of the entire half-hour. But once we get past these funny bits, the comedy of the episode flounders a bit. Bender is given a great set-up for some excessive partying, but the remaining stories seem oddly familiar, with some jokes lifted from earlier episodes of the series and even one or two I recall from The Simpsons.

While the big laughs may be few, “Rebirth” still delivers an interesting story — the details of which I’ll avoid to keep away from spoilers — using many of the familiar tropes of this amazingly well rounded sci-fi world. Futurama was always great when taking science-fiction conventions (time travel, aliens, robots, etc.) and making them work in smart, satirical and very relatable ways. “Rebirth” continues this with some fun twists of storytelling and makes it all worthwhile.

It’s too early to tell if “Rebirth” is, in fact, the return of the Futurama we know and love, but it’s a worthy first episode after such a long time without episodic stories. Here’s hoping this new season only makes the series better and that in some far off future, people will look back at Futurama’s entire collection of episodes and never realize there was a seven year gap.

Check back Thursday night for our review of the second episode of the season, “In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela.”

Popularity: 96% [?]